♥ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, ‘Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?’ ‘Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.’
♥ A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: ‘Husband Wanted’. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’
♥ When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
♥ A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
♥ A little boy asked his father, ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’ Father replied, ‘I don’t know son, I’m still paying.’
♥ A young son asked, ‘Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?’ Dad replied, ‘That happens in every country, son.’
♥ Then there was a woman who said, ‘I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.’
♥ Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
♥ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.
♥ Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
♥ First guy says, ‘My wife’s an angel!’ Second guy remarks, ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’
♥ ‘A Woman’s Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man , to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death’.
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, ‘Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.’
The blind man replies, ‘If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut up.’
you need to stop glorifying it, makes me want to give away another house and car.
I got nothing !!!!
I like my happy home and my stuff intact !!!
At the local watering hole some scooter tramps were arguing about who knew the dude with the most balls. One guy says;
“My brother Bones over there, with the busted leg and broke-nose, is hands-down the baddest dude I’ve ever known.”
When another dude agrees and starts backing up Bones’ street-creds the first guy buts in;
“Never mind that all shit…… Hey bones get over here and tell-em what happened when your old lady asked ya if her ass looked big in those pants.”
-nicker-
I take my wife everywhere I go…but she keeps finding her way back home.
I went to Toys R Us to find a toy for a local motorcycle toy run for this holiday season. I ask the clerk why the Ken doll was $49 and the Barbie doll was $495, perhaps an error? She said, “well, they got divorced and with the Barbie doll you now get the Corvette, boat, motorcycle and house…”
why does a bride wear white? because the dishwasher needs to match the refrigerator!!
A New Zealander walks into the bedroom
with a sheep on a leash and says….
“Honey, this is the cow I make love to
when you have a headache.”
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book,
looks up and says, “If you weren’t such an idiot,
you’d know that’s a sheep, not a cow.”
The guy replies,
“If you weren’t such a presumptuous twit,
you’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”
Good one Michael Taylor. Best, Later Jay
A farmers wife is bothered by the lack of sex with her very busy husband.
One night they are in bed and the farmer reaches over and fondles her breasts, she’s thinking tonight is the night until he says”honey if we could get milk out of these we could get rid of the cow.” She rolls over disgusted and goes to sleep. A few nights later the husband reaches over and rubs her butt, she thinks to herself now he’s ready we will be having sex for sure until he says ” honey if we could get eggs out of this we could get rid of the chickens.” Fed up she reaches over grabs him by his private parts and says “if this could get hard we could get rid of your brother.”
every guy needs a starte marriage
marriages should be like mortgages 3 year terms
Marriage is like a hot bath – once you’re in it for a while, it’s not so hot.
What’s the difference between a wife and a job?
After a few years, the job will still suck!
What do brides say to themselves as soon as the wedding ceremony is over?
Thank goodness that that’s over with, now I can forget about that damn diet!