The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start a family. On the day the proxy father was due to arrive, Mr Smith, kissed his wife goodbye and said ‘Well, I am off now, the man should be here soon’. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door to door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell hoping to make a sale. ‘Good Morning ma’am, he said, I’ve come to …….
‘Oh no need to explain’ Mrs Smith cut in’, embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you’. ‘Have you really’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that is good…did you know that babies are my speciality’‘Well, that is what my husband and I hoped…please come in and have a seat’.
After a moment, she asked, blushingly…’well…where do we start’? ‘Leave everything to me, I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps, a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun…you can really spread out there’. ‘The bathtub…the couch, the bedroom and the living room floor…no wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me’
‘Well ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but, if we try various several different positions, and I shoot from six or seven angles. I am sure you will be pleased with the result’. ‘My…that’s a lot’ gasped Mrs Smith. ‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time…I’d rather be in and out in five minutes, but I am sure you would be disappointed with that’. ‘Don’t I know it’ said Mrs Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This one’ he said ‘was done on top of a bus’. ‘Oh my word’!!! Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. ‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was difficult to work with’. ‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs Smith. ‘Yes, I am afraid so…I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right…people were crowding around 4 or 5 deep trying to get a look’.
‘Four or five deep’? Said Mrs Smith…her eyes wide with amazement. ‘Yes’ the photographer replied, ‘and for more than three hours the mother was constantly squealing and yelling…I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness was approaching, I had to rush my shots…finally, when the squirrels began nibble my equipment, I had to pack it all in’.
Mrs Smith leaned forward her eyes wide with anticipation said…’do you mean, they actually chewed on your …hum mm…equipment’? ‘It’s true Masd’am…yes…Well if you are ready, I’ll set up my tripod and we can get to work right away’. ‘TRIPOD’? Oh yes Ma’am, I need a tripod to rest my Canon on, it is much too big to be held in the hand very long’.
Mrs Smith fainted…
Hilarious! I laughed out loud, something that rarely happens when I read comics.
When she awoke her ass had swollen polariods….