The IRS decides to audit a Biker, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when the Biker shows up with his attorney. The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says the Biker. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Biker says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Biker removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Biker says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” Now the auditor can tell the Biker isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Biker removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with the Biker’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Biker asks “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and piss into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.” The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Biker stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But the Biker’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when my client told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it…”
I just sent that to my lawyer…heh heh
It reminds me of the time I got audited for being a biker (This was when I was doing helmet law protests in Connecticut) and they questioned the medical expenses I deducted when I laid down a bike I was testing.
I brought all my bills and even the one from the hospital.
The tax man said he did not believe me because there was no police report of the crash. I explained I did not call a cop because it was not on a public road and I did not want to put up with their B.S.
He still was not going for it so I told him I had one more way to prove it.
At this point I should mention I felt the male tax auditor might be gay because of some of his actions and comments.
I stood up and dropped my jeans to my ankles – yes I was wearing boxer shorts – and showed him the scar on my leg while Yelling Are You Satisfied Now and Going To Stop Trying To F-ck Me?
The door to the office was open and numerous people came to see what all the commotion was. Yep I still had not raised my jeans.
The tax man told me to pull my pants back up, Get out of his office and to Never Come Back.
Oh They Accepted My Tax Deductions
Watch this tragedy unfold as I did:
Standing under the awning of a service station to avoid the baking sun, I lazily watched two young lads roll up on bicycles to the island pump station, to put air in their tires. The more mechanically inclined of the duo, jumped of his bike and grabbed the air hose; professionally pulling 6-feet of hose out of it’s in-ground box and stepping on it, to hold the hose in place, at a pit-crew pace – then put air-chuck to tire stem and about 125 p.s.i. into the front tire, before it exploded.
In less than a nano-second the rider told the filler….. “You’re paying!!” (for the tire). 🙂