Why Italians can’t be Paramedics …
Angelo and Faustino are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Angelo grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Faustino whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He tells the operator, “I think Angelo is dead! What should I do?
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence. And then a gun shot is heard. Faustino’s voice comes back on the line, “Okay… Now what?
So Italian…
Government Job
A guy goes into the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” The interviewer says, “That will give you five extra points toward employment.”
Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.” The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well, that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
“The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
Great News For Golfers
There will no longer be a penalty stoke for hitting a ball into the water or out of bounds.
The USGA , the R&A, the PGA, after a private meeting with Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch on a plane somewhere, have recommended that your opponent must prove that you intended to hit the ball into these hazards in order for there to be a penalty.
Carelessness or ignorance is not intent.
No intent . . . no penalty stroke.