Moto Comics








His name is Matt Marino. In his website Moto Basturds he publishes a few moto comics every week, hoping they will stick like day old spaghetti on a greasy kitchen wall. Go there when you have an urgent need to smile.

25 Responses to “Moto Comics”

  1. 1 just my opinion Jan 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    love a good joke here is one I heard

    A biker see’s a nun walking down the street he grabs her and rapes the shit out of her then feeling bad for what he had just done he tells her sister I am sorry I don’t know what ever came over me can you ever forgive me? The nun replies God has forgiven you and so have I. The biker goes on to ask her what are you going to tell the priest when he asked what happened? The nun replies the truth I will say I was walking back from the store when this business man grabbed me and raped me TWICE IF YOU HAVE THE TIME.

  2. 2 Jeff Nicklus Jan 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    O.K., It is joke time then …..

    Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, ‘Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.’

    ‘Sure,’ they said, ‘You’re welcome.’ So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, ‘What do you do for a living?’

    ‘I’m a hit man,’ was the reply.

    ‘You’re joking!’ was the response.

    ‘No, I’m not,’ he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight. ‘Here are my tools.’

    ‘That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,’ said the other friend, ‘Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.’ So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

    ‘Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha ha, I can see she’s naked!! Wait a minute, that’s my neighbor in there with her…and he’s naked, too!!’

    He turned to the hit man, ‘How much do you charge for a hit?’

    ‘I’ll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.’

    ‘Can you do two for me now?’

    ‘Sure, what do you want?’

    ‘First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he’s a friend of mine, so just shoot his penis off to teach him a lesson.’

    The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. ‘Are you going to do it or not?’ said the friend impatiently.

    ‘Just be patient,’ said the hit man calmly, ‘I think I can save you a grand here…’

    Over & Out,


  3. 3 just my opinion Jan 13th, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    two guys are sitting in a bar the one asks the other “hey buddy what do you do for a living?”
    The man tells his new friend I am a asshole stretcher
    An asshole stretcher what in the world is that.
    Well I start off by putting one finger in and I stretch then two fingers then soon my whole hand then I stretch and stretch until it is six foot. Then im done and I start with the next one.
    The man is confused and asked what in the world would anyone need a six foot asshole for ?

  4. 4 just my opinion Jan 13th, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    One more then im done.

    A man calls the unemployment office and says I have layed off all but two of my employees and I need your help. The person working says what can I do to help you?
    The man say’s well the two people I have working are my very close friends Jack and Jill I must let one go and I am not sure if I should lay Jill or Jack off.

  5. 5 Jeff Nicklus Jan 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

    All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
    tears. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked the mother. ‘I was taking a tinkle and this bullet
    came out,’ replied the daughter.

    The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

    About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. ‘Mom,
    I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.’ Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

    A week later her son walked into the room in tears. ‘It’s okay’ said the
    Mom, ‘I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.’

    ‘No,’ said the boy, ‘I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.’

    Over & Out,


  6. 6 Jeff Nicklus Jan 13th, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    One last one for me as well,

    A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

    ‘Dad,’ he says, ‘You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol’ Blue, how to talk!’

    ‘That’s amazing,’ his Dad says. ‘How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

    ‘Just send him down here with $1,000,’ the young cowboy says. ‘I’ll get him into the course.’

    So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

    About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

    ‘So how’s Ol’ Blue doing, son?’ his father asks.

    ‘Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,’ he says, ‘but you just won’t believe this. They’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!’

    ‘Read!’ says his father, ‘No kidding! How do we get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

    ‘Just send $2,500 … I’ll get him into the class.’

    The money promptly arrives.

    But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

    When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. ‘Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!’

    ‘Dad,’ the boy says, ‘I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives in town?’

    The father exclaimed, ‘I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!’

    ‘I sure did, Dad!’

    The boy went on to become a highly successful lawyer!

    Over & Out,


  7. 7 Jeff Nicklus Jan 13th, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    This really is the last one …..

    I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, “13…13….13…13.”

    The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

    Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.

    Then they all started shouting. “14…14…14…14….”.

    Over & Out,


  8. 8 just my opinion Jan 13th, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Last one for real

    A lady reporter goes out to do a story on a Indian tribe. As she is walking around she notices a young indian with a feather in his head band and asked him why do you have a feather is there some reason? He reply’s Me have one feather me have one woman. The reporter lady thanks him for answering her question and moves on soon she see’s another indian this time he has two feathers so she approaches him and asks. I noticed that you have two feathers in your head band can you tell me why? He tells her me have two feather me have two woman. The lady reporter moves on and thinks she is starting to see a pattern. Soon after that she is lead to the teepee of the chief she goes in and the chief is sitting there with a head dress with many feathers they go all the way to the floor. So the reporter asks Chief why do you have so many feathers? He relpy’s me have whole bunch feathers me have whole bunch woman. Reporter say’s Isn’t that rather hostile?
    Hostile dog style no matter too me.
    The lady reporter say’s Oh dear.
    No dear run too fast pussy too high.

  9. 9 raycwheeler Jan 14th, 2009 at 1:03 am

    Your typical cross country scooter tramp runs out of gas in the middle of bum fuk .

    Naturally a farmer and a quite lovely daughter awaited .

    After supper the farmer ask the tramp ” what type work do you do ” ?

    Well sir , graduated with a 4.0 grade point average from college with a doctorate in animal science .

    What the hell is that ?

    You might not believe this but communicating with animals is my specialty .

    The tramp calls a dog over and starts talkin in the dogs ear , turns to the farmer and says the dog would like more food and a lot less chasin a fukin ball .

    Bullshit .

    They head to the barn and the tramp talks to a horse and tells the farmer the horse would like more pasture time and a bath more often .

    Bullshit .

    The tramp heads for the door and asks the farmer ” Got any sheep ?

    The farmer tells him hell ya but there all lyin bastards .

  10. 10 saorijohn Jan 14th, 2009 at 8:03 am

    A guy calls his boss,

    “Boss, I can’t come to work today ‘cos I’m sick”

    Boss asks “How sick are ya?”

    Guy says ” Very sick. I’m having sex with my mother”……..

  11. 11 Jeff Nicklus Jan 14th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    New day , another joke …..

    Three guys — a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer — are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total,” says the Genie.

    The Canadian says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to
    be forever fertile in Canada.” Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

    Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state.” Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

    The American engineer says, “I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.” The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out — it’s virtually impenetrable.”

    The American engineer says, “Fill it with water.”

    Over & Out,


  12. 12 Jeff Nicklus Jan 14th, 2009 at 10:48 am

    A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

    The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?”

    The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

    The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

    Over & Out,


  13. 13 Jeff Nicklus Jan 14th, 2009 at 10:56 am


    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it’s worth it.

    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    10 years and 45 lbs

    What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

    Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.

    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
    Everyone has the same DNA.

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don’t have eyes.

    Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment

    What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “a recipe”.

    How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the word “Fuck” ?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time …” -A southern fairytale begins
    “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this s**t….

    Over & Out,


  14. 14 Gina Woods Jan 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Hahaha- I hope you guys don’t quite your day job soon…..good job Matt – good luck!

    Why did the football player go to the bank?

    To get his QUARTERBACK!!

    haha ( my favorite…. told from my 9 yr old!!)

  15. 15 Jeff Nicklus Jan 14th, 2009 at 3:39 pm


    A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

    At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying … ‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’

    ‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight …… let’s pretend that we’re married.’

    ‘Wow! That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed.

    ‘Good,’ she replied. ‘Get your own fucking blanket’.

    After a moment of silence, he farted.

    The End

    Brings a tear to your eye doesn’t it?

    Over & Out,


  16. 16 Jeff Nicklus Jan 14th, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    An elderly gent was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as:

    Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

    The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

    While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, & said:

    ‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names’.

    The old man hung his head.

    ‘I have to tell you the truth,’ he said, ‘Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I’m scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is?

    Over & Out,


  17. 17 just my opinion Jan 14th, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    came across this today thought you all might think it funny.

    For sometime many of us have wondered who is Jack Shit? We find our selves at a loss when someone says;
    You don’t know jack shit.
    Well thanks to my effort’s in research you can now respond in an intellectual way.
    Jack Shit is the only son of Awe shit who married O shit, the owners of Knee Deep in Shit inc.
    In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit.
    The couple had 6 children; Holie Shit, Giva Shit, Bull Shit, Fulla Shit and the twins; Deep Shit and Dip Shit.
    Deep shit married Dumb Shit who is a high school dropout.
    After 15 years of marriage, Jack and Noe Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became;
    Noe Shit Sherlock.
    Meanwhile Dip Shit married Lota Shit and had a child with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Shit.
    Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers and had a double wedding the newspaper announced it as the Shit-Happens Wedding.
    Bull Shit traveled the world and returned with a Italian bride Pisa Shit.
    So from now on , no one can tell you that you don’t know Jack Shit.

    Facts gathered by third cousin Funny Shit

  18. 18 A$$HOLE Jan 15th, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    What does a woman do with her asshole 30 minutes before sex?
    She drops him off at work!

  19. 19 just my opinion Jan 15th, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    A man and his wife are talking when she asks him. Honey if I died would you remarry?
    Knowing this could lead to trouble he says I don’t know would you want me too?
    The wife thinks for minute and answers yes I don’t want you to be lonely so yes If I die re marry.
    She then asks would you let her wear my jewelry? He says gee I don’t know I guess you won’t need it so ya I guess so. His wife then asks well would she sleep in our bed. The husband can see this is not going well but he answers. Baby I hope you never die but if you do and if I remarried I guess she could sleep in our bed after all she would be my wife. The wife then say’s well would you let her wear my cloths? The husband answers very quickly Hell no she is going to be at least three sizes smaller.

  20. 20 saorijohn Jan 17th, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Wife says to husband ” I wish I had bigger breasts. Shall I get a boob job to make ’em bigger?”

    Husband says “Why not try rubbing them with toilet paper.”

    Wife ” Why?”

    Husband ” ‘Cos it worked on your ass”

  21. 21 NoSkool Jan 19th, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Dude is admiring his naked body in the mirror. His exercise routine had really paid off and he was tanned and solid except for one part…his penis. Then he got an idea. He went to the beach, covered all of his body with sand leaving only his penis sticking out. A good way to get a penis tan, he thought.

    Two old ladies walked up on the penis and one shouted, “Damn!”

    What’s wrong the other asked as her friend poked at the penis with her cane?

    When I was in my teens, I was curious about a penis.
    When I was in my 20’s I thoroughly enjoyed a penis.
    When I was in my 30’s, I was asking for a penis.
    When I was in my 40’s, I was begging for a penis.
    When I was in my 50’s, I was paying for a penis.
    When I was in my 60’s, I almost forgot about a penis.
    Now here I am in my 70’s, and these damn things are growing wild everywhere…and I’m too old to squat.

  22. 22 burnout Jan 19th, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    my buddy Animal and his old lady are riding down the highway. Marianne says, “Baby I love you and will do ANYTHING for you! ” Animal replies, “ANYTHING?” She says “yes ANYTHING! ” Animal thinks a second and says, “How bout you invite your best friend to come over tonight and do a threesome with us!” Marianne says ” STOP THE BIKE NOW!!!” Animal thinks ” Oh shit!” He stops. She says” ok turn around and look me in the eye” He is thinkin he has really screwed up. He looks her in the eye and she says” Baby, why do you want to disappoint TWO women!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peace

  23. 23 Jef Nicklus Jan 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am

    A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says,

    “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”

    The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing

    “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”

    Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were

    Skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”

    After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says,

    “…How many is a Brazilian?”

    Over & Out,


  24. 24 Jeff Nicklus Jan 23rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    Allen took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do
    first, Sandra?” asked Allen.
    “I want to get weighed,” said Sandra. They ambled over to the weight
    guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she
    won a prize.

    Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Allen
    again asked Sandra what she would like to do.
    “I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
    Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Allen
    lost his dollar.

    The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
    “I want to get weighed,” she responded. By this time, Allen figured she was
    really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

    Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How did it go?”
    Sandra responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”

    Over & Out,


  1. 1 Honda Cb super Four Version R Pingback on Jan 21st, 2009 at 11:37 am
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