Joke Of The week. About 3 Blondes…

joke3 Blondes were all applying for the last available position with the Florida Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the 3 of them and said “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.  Sitting back down he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said ‘To be a detective, you have to be able to detect and must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth.

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. 
Now, he said “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?” The blonde immediately said “Yes, I did. He has only one eye”. The detective shook his head and said “Of course he has only one eye in, this picture is a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!’ The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?’ “Yes! He only has one ear”. The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of 
course you can only see one ear! You’re excused too!” The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said “This is probably a waste of time, but… “. He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying  “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?’ The blonde said  “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses”. The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?” The blonde rolled her eyes and said “Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses”.


23 Responses to “Joke Of The week. About 3 Blondes…”

  1. 1 Jeff Nicklus Feb 20th, 2009 at 12:40 pm

    OK here we go …………

    A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

    The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

    ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

    ‘OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

    The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says,
    ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

    To which the little girl replies, Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?

    Over & Out,


  2. 2 Jeff Nicklus Feb 20th, 2009 at 1:54 pm


    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, ‘Nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

    About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do; I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


    My Harley wouldn’t start today, but at least I got laid.

    Over & Out,


  3. 3 fuji Feb 20th, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    If you can tell jokes that good when you are drunk on your ass then I think that I could bend elbows with you.

  4. 4 Fausto Simoes Feb 20th, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    What’s the first thing a blond says when she wakes up in the morning?

    “Are all you guys on the same team?”

  5. 5 Jeff Nicklus Feb 20th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    Here is one for you fuji …..

    Allen took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do
    first, Sandra?” asked Allen.

    “I want to get weighed,” said Sandra. They ambled over to the weight
    guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she
    won a prize.

    Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Allen
    again asked Sandra what she would like to do.

    “I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
    Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Allen
    lost his dollar.

    The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
    “I want to get weighed,” she responded. By this time, Allen figured she was
    really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

    Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How did it go?”

    Sandra responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”

    Over & Out,


  6. 6 fuji Feb 20th, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    My luck I remember being there. It was a wacky night!

  7. 7 burnout Feb 20th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Amy is a blonde haired beauty and suspected her husband was seeing a brunette. She snuck home on her mans’ off day and sure enough, caught him in bed with the brunette. She pulls a pistol, shoots the brunette and turns the gun to her own head. Her husband screams , PLEASE DON”T DO IT!……….. Amy says” SHUT UP YOURE NEXT!” peace

  8. 8 jspfc Feb 20th, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Well if you give up on the bike thing I think there is a future in stand up.

  9. 9 Fred Feb 21st, 2009 at 12:41 am

    How about one for the Brunettes!!

    The Brunette and the Genie

    A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it, and you guessed it, a genie appears.

    The genie says, “You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much.”

    The woman says, “Okay. Give me a nice house.”

    The genie replies, “You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two.”

    Then the lady says, “Give me a gorgeous man.”

    The genie replies, “You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two.”

    The lady says, “For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it.”

  10. 10 Jeff Nicklus Feb 21st, 2009 at 11:41 am

    The Presidential watches …….

    A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called “the George H.W. Bush Watch” and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says–“you are suppose to read his lips”.

    He then looks at a watch called the “Ross Perot Watch” and notices that it isn’t running – the sales clerk tells him “it runs, it doesn’t run, it runs, it doesn’t run . . .”

    He then notices a watch called the “Barack Obama Watch” and sees that it runs, has hands and looks like a pretty good watch. He asks the sales clerk how much. The sales clerk replies “$19.95 plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax, plus tax . . .”

    It is a joke people!

    Over & Out,


  11. 11 Jeff Nicklus Feb 21st, 2009 at 11:45 am

    The President and his wife are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents.

    One of the Secret Service Agent leans over and whispers something into the President’s ear.

    As soon as he finishes, the President grabs his wife by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dugout, kicking and screaming obscenities.

    The Secret Service agent leans over again and whispers, “Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!”

    Over & Out,


  12. 12 Slag Feb 21st, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    I agree with Jeff,
    The president is a joke.

  13. 13 Jeff Nicklus Feb 21st, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    That is not exactly how my comment was intended …. but you know that.

    Over & Out,


  14. 14 Slag Feb 21st, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    “Survivor, Texas-Style.”

    Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, “Survivor, Texas-Style.”

    The contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland , Odessa , Lubbock and Amarillo . From there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.

    Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: “I’m Gay,” “I Love the Dixie Chicks,” “Boycott Beef,” “I Voted for Obama,” “George Strait Sucks,” “Hillary in 2012” and “I’m here to confiscate your guns.”

    The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins!!

  15. 15 Dave Blevins Feb 22nd, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Here’s one for ya…
    A blonde, a brunette and a redhead survive a boating accident only to be marooned on a small deserted island, after 3 days of no food or water a bottle washes ashore. They look it over and while rubbing the bottle agenie appears and grants them each a wish,
    The brunette wished to be returned home to her family and vanished…
    The redhead also wishes for home and promptly disappeared…
    The genie then asks the blonde what she wanted and the blonde said that she missed her two friends and wished they were back with her!

  16. 16 Bob Rubino Feb 22nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar.

    First the redhead says, “bartender, I’ll have an M -L.”
    The bartender says, “what’s an M-L?”
    The redhead says, “duh, Miller Lite…”
    The bartender says, “oh, sorry,” and hands her a Miller Lite.

    Then the brunette says, “bartender, I’ll have a C-L.”
    To which the bartender replies, “uh, what’s a C-L?”
    The brunette says, ” duh, Coors Light…”
    So the bartender says, “oh, sorry.” and hands her a Coors Light.

    Then the blonde says, “bartender, I’ll have a fifteen.”
    The bartender asks, “whats a fifteen?”
    To which the blondes replies, “duh, seven and seven..!”

  17. 17 T Feb 22nd, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool all alone. So the guy sits down next to her and pulls a small box from his pocket. He opens it and there’s a frog inside.

    The blonde says: “He’s cute, but does he do tricks?”

    The guy says: “Yea, he licks pussy.”

    So after talking with her for several minutes, he convinces her to come with him to his apartment. They get there and she takes all of her clothes off, gets into the bed and spreads her legs. The guy sets the frog right between her legs and it just sits there not moving at all. The blond says: “Well? What’s up?”

    The frog still does not move. So the guy leans over to the frog and says: “All right, I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”

  18. 18 Jeff Nicklus Feb 23rd, 2009 at 10:30 am

    How they raise kids in ALABAMA

    Miss Sally Edwards is a highly esteemed third grade teacher at Clark County Elementary School.

    In an effort to prepare her students for the all-important TAKS test, she compiled an exam consisting of 20 questions, which she administered to her class last Tuesday.
    The exam purposely covered a broad array of topics.

    I call your attention to question # 11, which simply read:


    1. ________ 2. ________ 3.________ 4. ________

    Now, could you possibly imagine
    that 67% of the students
    gave the following answer?



    Over & Out,


  19. 19 Jeff Nicklus Feb 23rd, 2009 at 10:37 am


    Jose and Carlos are both beggars. They beg in different areas of town.

    Carlos begs for the same amount of time as Jose, but only collects about eight or nine dollars a day.

    Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

    “Hey, amigo,” Carlos says to Jose, “I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?

    Jose says, “Look at your sign, what does it say?

    Carlos reads his sign, ” ‘I have no work, a wife, and six kids to support.’ What’s wrong with that?”

    “No wonder you only get eight or nine dollars a day!” Jose says.

    Carlos said, “Alright, what does your sign say?”

    Jose reads his sign, “I only need ten dollars to get back to Mexico.”

    Over & Out,


  20. 20 Jeff Nicklus Feb 23rd, 2009 at 10:58 am


    A professor at the University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscular Contractions’ to his first year medical students.

    Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’

    She replied, ‘Probably deer hunting with his buddies.’

    It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom………

    Over & Out,


  21. 21 ian Feb 25th, 2009 at 10:57 am

    | Guts or Balls…

    There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

    GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ”Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

    BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ”You’re next, fatty.”

    I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

  22. 22 Roid Feb 25th, 2009 at 11:38 am


    A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco . Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

    Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

    He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, ‘Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?’ The blind lady replied, ‘No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.’

    Picture this:
    All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
    True story… Have a great day and remember…


  23. 23 wetasafish Feb 28th, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    For the musicians

    Dear Abby,

    I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, “I’ll call you back later.” When I ask her who called she gets evasive. Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry. A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That’s when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening. I said “Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with.” He agreed. Saturday night came and I slipped behind my vintage Marshall JMP MKII 50W half stack to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other three. Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a technician?


    Very Concerned

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