From Troy At Accutronix.
“Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” ”Eight,” the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?” The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either.”
Thanks for the Joke Troy We are sorry to hear about Tom our prayers are with his family and the whole Accutronix crew
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age.
Over & Out,
Jeff
Thanks to Obama, luxury cars are soon to be a thing of the past.
They have always been beyond my means, but I took out a Cadillac Escalade last week for a test drive,
just to drive that sucker before they become extinct.
The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all it’s wonderful options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
I said the car must be a Republican car.
He asked why I thought it was a Republican car.
I explained that if it were a Democrat car the seats would blow smoke up your ass.
-nicker-
Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.’
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: ”Well, dumbass, stop clapping!’
Over & Out,
Jeff
For those that don’t know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an
“Australian treasure!”
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You’ll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and
children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an
ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was
about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys
when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
children?
GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before
they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are
you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Over & Out,
Jeff
A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.
All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”
The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.”
The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?”
The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”
“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”
FROM THE FIRST BOOK OF DEMOCRAT
PSALM 20O8-2012
OBAMA IS MY SHEPHERD, I SHALL NOT WANT.
HE LEADETH ME BESIDE THE STILL FACTORIES.
HE RESTORETH MY FAITH IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
HE GUIDETH ME IN THE PATH OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
YEA, THOUGH I WALK THRU THE VALLEY OF THE BREAD LINE, I SHALL NOT GO HUNGRY.
OBAMA HAS ANOINTED MY INCOME WITH TAXES… MY EXPENSES RUNNETH OVER MY INCOME.
SURELY POVERTY AND HARD LIVING WILL FOLLOW ME ALL THE DAYS OF HIS TERM.
FROM HENCE FORTH WE WILL LIVE ALL THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES IN A RENTED HOME WITH AN OVERSEAS LANDLORD.
Over & Out,
Jeff
Jeff: Are you really gonna be the biggest asshole at any party you go to for the next eight years? The one that doesn’t realize the laughter is fake, and that everyone knows what an incredibly racist bore you are?
Yeah, I said eight years.
Hear hear….I just wish the idiot would go away.
BigBonnie
Two more idiots that understand humor. Keep it up, Jeff.
Alex,
Care to rethink your last comment in light of the recent election? Obama has 2 more years at best!
Over & Out,
Jeff