Joke Of The Week

A biker is headed home around 2 in the morning when he is pulled over by the local cops whereby he is asked where he is going at this hour.
 
“I’m on my way to a lecture on alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body as well as the dangers of smoking and staying out late.” he answers.
 
The officer is skeptical, “Who is giving a lecture at this hour?” “That would be my wife,” replies the biker…

Zipper's

11 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 burnout Sep 2nd, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Bubba walks into a doctor’s office, the receptionist asks him what he has and Bubba says ‘Shingles’. She wrote down his name,address, insurance info and told him to take a seat. Fifteens minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. ‘Shingles’ he said. She took him to a examination room and told him to wait. Half hour later a nurse comes in, asks Bubba what he has and again he says ‘Shingles’. The nurse gives him a blood test, checks blood pressure, electrocardiogram and told him to take off all his clothes. An hour later the doc walks in and finds Bubba patiently waiting. Naked. Doc asks what he has. Bubba says ‘Shingles’. Doc asks ‘Where?’ Bubba said, ‘Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload em?’

  2. 2 Kustoms and Choppers Sep 2nd, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    LOL nice

  3. 3 Tejasandre Sep 2nd, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    saw the wife joke coming from a mile away. 🙂

  4. 4 Wiz Sep 3rd, 2011 at 3:28 am

    So, this guy comes stumblin’ into his bedroom in a drunken stupor with a duck under his arm. His wife awakens ‘an he says, “This is the PIG I’ve been F*uckin’!” She replies, “You drunk sonofabitch, that’s a Duck!” He explains, “I WUZ TALKIN’ to the DUCK!!!” Yuk-Yuk!! Wiz

  5. 5 Boss Hawg Sep 4th, 2011 at 7:47 am

    Two bikers from Texas arrive at Bike Week and walk into a bar on Main St. to wash the road grime from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about their ride and the different people they had met along the way.

    Suddenly a smoking hot biker babe at a table behind them who had been eating a sandwich
    begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

    The two bikers turn to look at her.

    “Kin yah swallow?” Asked one of the bikers. The woman shakes her head “No”

    “Kin yah breathe?” asked the other biker from Texas. The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shakes her head “NO” again.

    The first biker then walks over to her, lifts up the back of her mini skirt, yanks aside her thong, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back and all around her ass. This shocks the biker babe and she twitches in violent spasms, the obstruction suddenly flies out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe again with a sigh of welcomed relief.

    The two bikers from Texas walk back over to the bar and take another drink of their beers. The other biker tells his buddy, “Ya know, I’d heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver”, but I ain’t never seen nobody do it before.

    Boss Hawg

  6. 6 Dr. Dave Sep 5th, 2011 at 8:47 am

    LMAO

  7. 7 Jeff Nicklus Sep 6th, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    A magician worked on a cruise ship.

    The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

    There was only one problem: The magician had a parrot in the act and the parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

    Once the parrot understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” Or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”

    The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. In fact, the act became a comedy act and the magician was in demand on every cruise ship.

    Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

    The magician, luckily, found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it …. with the parrot.

    They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

    This went on for a day… and then 2 days. And then 3 days.

    Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said… “OK, I give up. Where’s the fuckin’ ship?”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  8. 8 Jeff Nicklus Sep 6th, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Talk about freakin’ POST-TRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER……..

    I recently came back from a triple back to back tour of duty in Afghanistan .

    Having not seen my wife for over a year, I was horny & hot, pulsing with anticipation and looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her.

    Unfortunately she came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head, and I shot her.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  9. 9 Jeff Nicklus Sep 6th, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one Day. As they walk, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”

    “I am entering” said Snow White.

    After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,

    “Well, how’d ya do?

    ” First Place ,” said Snow White.

    They continue walking and they see a sign:

    “Contest for the strongest man in the world.”

    “I’m entering,” says Superman.

    After half an hour he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”

    ” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”

    They continue walking when they see a sign:

    “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”

    Pinocchio enters.

    After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.

    “What happened?” they asked.

    “Who the hell is Obama?” asked Pinocchio.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  10. 10 Jeff Nicklus Sep 6th, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Obama goes to an elementary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and Obama asks him his name.

    ” Walter ,” responds the little boy.

    “And what is your question, Walter ?”

    “I have 4 questions:

    First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?

    Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it’s actually worse?

    Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preachings and beliefs?

    Fourth, why are we so worried about Brazil drilling for oil, but we aren’t allowed to?”

    Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume Obama says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that ‘s right: question time. Who has a question?”

    Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.

    “Kent,” he responds.

    Kent?”

    Actually, I have 6 questions.

    First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?

    Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it’s actually worse?

    Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preachings and beliefs?

    Fourth, why are we so worried about Brazil drilling for oil, but we aren’t allowed to?

    Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

    And sixth, what the hell happened to Walter ?

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  11. 11 Jeff Nicklus Sep 6th, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    OK, One last one ………..

    The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention centre where he met U.S. General Patraeus .

    They shook hands. As they walked the Iranian said, “You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.”

    The General said, “Well, anything I can do to help you, I will.”

    The Iranian whispered, “My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Japanese, but no Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn’t understand why there aren’t any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Syrians or Pakistanis on Star Trek.”

    The General laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, “That’s because it takes place in the future”.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

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