Joke Of The Week. Government Job.

A guy goes to the U.S, Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.” “Ok, have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.” The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”

The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM,why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?” “This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

Zipper's

7 Responses to “Joke Of The Week. Government Job.”


  1. 1 john reed Nov 9th, 2011 at 11:17 am

    A guy was walking past the canal and he saw 2 men pull someone out of the water lay him on his back and start to pull his arms back and forth as hard as they can, there was a jet of green dirty water shooting out of his mouth,
    “Are you sure you two know what you are doing” he asked
    “,We know exactly what we are doing,” They said “We are trained paramedics and we are saving his life by giving him artificial respiration, what are your qualifications”
    ” I havn’t got any medical qualifications ” the guy answered “I am a trained Engineer, and if you don.t drag his ass out of the canal, you are going to pump it dry”

  2. 2 KAOS Nov 9th, 2011 at 11:29 am

    THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST

    I was a very happy man.
    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year.
    So we decided to get married.

    There was only one little thing bothering me..

    It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

    My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.

    She would regularly bend down when she was near me.
    I always got more than a nice view.

    It had to be deliberate.
    she never did it around anyone else.

    One day she called me and asked me to come over.
    ‘To check my Sister’s wedding- invitations’ she said.

    She was alone when I arrived.
    she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
    she couldn’t overcome them anymore.

    She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

    She said “Before you commit your life to my sister”.
    Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn’t say a word.
    She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom” she said.
    “if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me”.

    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

    I stood there for a moment..
    Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
    I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

    Lo And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
    He said, ‘Sergio, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
    We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter.
    Welcome to the family my son..’

    And the moral of this story is:

    Always keep your condoms in your car.

  3. 3 Kustoms and Choppers Nov 9th, 2011 at 11:49 am

    LOL thats great

  4. 4 Jeff Nicklus Nov 9th, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    There’s an old sea story about a ship’s Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad..

    The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

    The first mate responded, “Aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”

    The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, “The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.”

    He continued, “Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz.”

    THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

    Someone may come along and promise “Change”, but don’t count on things smelling any better.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  5. 5 Jeff Nicklus Nov 9th, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    A young farm boy from Manitoba moved to Vancouver Island and went to a huge “everything under one roof department store” looking for a job.

    The Manager says, ‘Do you have any sales experience?’

    The kid says, ‘Yeah. I was a salesman back in Manitoba .’

    Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.

    ‘You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’

    His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

    ‘How many customers bought something from you today?’

    The kid says ‘one’.

    The boss says, ‘Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?’

    The kid says, ‘$101,237.65.’

    The boss says, ‘$101,237.65! What the heck did you sell?

    The kid says, ‘First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4×4 Ford Expedition.’

    The boss said, ‘You mean to tell me that a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?’

    The Manitoba farm boy said, ‘No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot — you should go fishing!’

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  6. 6 Jeff Nicklus Nov 10th, 2011 at 11:45 am

    The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

    GOV’T AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.”

    RANCHER: ”Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
    Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

    GOV’T AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.”

    RANCHER: “That would be me.”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  7. 7 Wiz Nov 12th, 2011 at 5:19 am

    What’s the difference between a lawyer and a carp?…..One’s a bottom feeding scum sucker ‘an the other one’s a FISH!! What do you call a hundred lawyers up to their necks in cement?….NOT ENOUGH CEMENT!! What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?….A GOOD START!! What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?….NUTHUN’, PIGS WON’T F*CK LAWYERS!!!!!! Wiz

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