Joke Of The Week

On  the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.  For this, I will give you a life span of  twenty years.” The dog said,  “That’s a long time to be barking.  How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do  tricks, and make them laugh.  For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey  said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years?  That’s a pretty long time to perform.  How about I give you back ten like the dog  did?” And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.  For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty  years.  How about twenty and I’ll give back the other  forty?” And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth  day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry  and enjoy your life.  For this, I’ll give you twenty years.” But the human said, “Only twenty years?  Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back; that   makes eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy  ourselves.  For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to  support our family.  For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.  And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.  I’m doing  it as a public service.

Zipper's

7 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 fuji Jan 10th, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Milk and eggs

    This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

    A wife asks her husband,
    “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,
    and if they have eggs, get 6.”

    A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
    The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

    He replied, “They had eggs.”
    —————————————
    Ok Tex. lets here a good one. OBAMMA IF YOU WILL !

  2. 2 fuji Jan 10th, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Shot my first turkey yesterday,
    Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section…
    It was awesome!
    Getting older is so much fun….

  3. 3 fuji Jan 10th, 2012 at 10:42 am

    To help save the economy

    The Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.

    Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

    I started to fret when I thought of Jeff. Then it dawned on me … oh, crap … I’ll see him on the bus! LOL

  4. 4 Jeff Nicklus Jan 10th, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Here you go fugi ……

    Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
    A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

    Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
    A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

    Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
    A. It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.

    Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
    A: Barack Obama.

    Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
    A. Because he’s running out of George Bush jokes.

    Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
    A. Because she’s running out of other crazy things to do.

    Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
    A. It was ours.

    Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
    A. Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.

    Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
    A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  5. 5 Iron Horse Jan 10th, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    LOL Jeff!!!

  6. 6 Olive oil Jan 11th, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Surgery

    A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.

    Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.

    Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

    Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.

    “I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation”!

    The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. “I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself.”

    “The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago.”

    “And what about the third rose?” she asked.

    “That’s from a man in the burn unit – he wanted to thank you for his new ears.”

  7. 7 Jeff Nicklus Jan 13th, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Olive oil …… I don’t care what anyone says that is some funny shit!

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

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