Joke Of The Week

An old grizzled biker walks into the  barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can’t get all  his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old biker tells  the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years, but what if he would  have accidentally swallowed that little ball? The barber replied: “You could just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”

Zipper's

14 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 Jeff Nicklus Jan 25th, 2012 at 10:51 am

    The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History.

    Who said ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death’?”

    She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775” he said.

    “Very good!”

    Who said, “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?”

    Again, no response except from Little Hodiaki, “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

    “Excellent!”, said the teacher continuing, “let’s try one a bit more difficult…”

    Who said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?”

    Once again, Hodiaki’s was the only hand in the air and he said “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

    The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Little Hodiaki isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

    She heard a loud whisper: “F &% k the Japs.”

    “Who said that? I want to know right now!” she angrily demanded.

    Little Hodiaki put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

    At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

    The teacher glares around and asks, “All right!!! Now who said that!?”

    Again, Little Hodiaki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

    Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

    Little Hodiaki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,

    “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

    Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

    Little Hodiaki frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.”

    The teacher fainted.

    As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit. We’re so screwed!”

    Little Hodiaki said quietly, “the American people, November 4, 2008.”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  2. 2 zyon Jan 25th, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Jeff, that was freaking funny as hell man!

  3. 3 EvoJoe Jan 26th, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Cyril let Jeff write your jokes of the week. Thanks Jeff .

  4. 4 Tom Keefer/ Franklin Church Choppers Jan 26th, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Jeff, best one I have heard for quite some time!

  5. 5 Harley guy Jan 26th, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    That’s pretty funny, except the answer to the last one was Nov. 4, 2004. Oh well, you can’t be right all the time. 🙂

  6. 6 Jeff Nicklus Jan 26th, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

    The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

    The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

    “Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Pintos’, and voted for Obama.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  7. 7 Olive oil Jan 26th, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
    The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”
    He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”
    She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway……
    He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”
    She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
    “Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.
    She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
    At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes…… there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?
    The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”
    The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?
    He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”
    She paid it and left without saying a word.

  8. 8 Olive oil Jan 27th, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Murphy and Shamus wanted to go drinking but were
    running extremely low on funds.?

    Murphy said, “Hang on, I have an idea .”He went next door
    to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.
    Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money
    at all!” Murphy replied, “Don’t worry – just follow me.” He went
    into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness
    and two glasses of Jameson Whisky. Shamus said, “Now you’ve lost it.
    Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t even got
    any money to pay for these drinks!!”Murphy replied, with a smile,
    “Don’t worry, I have a plan. Cheers! “They downed their Drinks.
    Murphy said, “OK, now here’s the plan. I’ll stick the sausage through
    my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.” The
    barman immediately noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
    They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk,
    all for free. At the tenth pub Shamus said “Murphy – I don’t think
    I can do any more of this. I’m absolutely drunk and me knees are
    killing me!” Murphy said, “How do you think I feel? I can’t even
    remember which pub I lost the sausage in!

  9. 9 john reed Jan 27th, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Murphy and Shamus were playing pool a couple of weeks later
    Shamus came back from the bathroom with his flies open and
    when he leaned over the table his big old dick came out and laid there,

    Murphy whispered
    “Dont move now Shamus, theres a big old snake next to you”

    “Jesus, what are we going to do” said Shamus

    “Stay still” said Murphy,”I will hit it with my cue”

    He hits as hard as he could

    Shamus screamed and shouted out
    “Hit it again The SOB just bit me…….. “

  10. 10 burnout Jan 28th, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    What is a biker with no girl friend?

  11. 11 burnout Jan 28th, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Homeless! peace

  12. 12 GetReal Jan 29th, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been
    with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth
    records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

    He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing
    when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t
    always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than
    you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
    His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing
    regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual
    harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using
    mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student,
    only worsened his condition.

    Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that
    they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It
    declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to
    administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform
    parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;
    churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their
    victims.

    Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar
    in your own home because the burglar could sue you for assault.

    Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize
    that a steaming cup of fresh-brewed coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and
    was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

    Common Sense welcomed Deaths embrace when a group of spoiled college drop-outs, easily swayed by a Canadian advertising agency bent on destroying capitalism, gathered to illegally take over a park blocks away from Wall Street to protest absolutely nothing while claiming they had a reason to be there.

    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife,
    Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

    He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To
    Blame, and I’m A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
    he was gone.

    GetReal

  13. 13 Jeff Nicklus Jan 30th, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

    White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

    Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

    Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

    Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

    85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States ..

    Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

    Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 3 illegitimate children.

    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060..

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent..

    Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  14. 14 Jeff Nicklus Jan 30th, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    A Washington state Guy and a Idaho Man were hunting in up-state Idaho near the Canadian border when an illegal alien runs across the field.

    The Idaho Man takes careful aim, shoots him.

    “You can’t do that!” cried the Washington Guy.

    “No, no, it’s legal here in Idaho “, replies the Idaho Man.

    Later that night the Washington guy goes and buys some beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door.

    Just then an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer, and runs away.

    The Washington guy thinks “No problem” draws his pistol, shoots, and kills him.

    As he is getting his beer the police come and arrest him.

    “But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Idaho!” protests the Washington guy.

    “Well yeah,” says the cop, “but you can’t use bait.”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

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