Joke Of The Week. DUI Checkpoint.

I would like to share an experience with you all about drinking and driving. As you well know some of us have been known to have had rare brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some shots. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit I did something I’ve never done before… I took a bus home. Sure enough, as it was a bus, they waved it through and I passed the DUI checkpoint.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it!

Zipper's

14 Responses to “Joke Of The Week. DUI Checkpoint.”


  1. 1 hoyt May 2nd, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I’m all for a good joke, but a big part of the problem with driving 1-2 ton vehicles while under the influence is that people don’t take it seriously until it’s too late. Alcohol clouds good judgement just enough to know better with each drink in a sneaky way, whether its to not have another drink or to not drive at all.

  2. 2 Jeff Nicklus May 2nd, 2012 at 10:48 am

    hoyt,

    Dude, lighten up! Here is a joke for you that might not get you so worked up. Relax!

    JOKE:

    A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

    Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

    The little boy says, ‘Dark in here, huh?’

    The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’

    Boy – ‘I have a golf ball.’

    Man – ‘That’s nice.’

    Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’

    Man – ‘No, thanks.’

    Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’

    Man – ‘OK, how much?’

    Boy – ‘$250’

    A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

    Boy -‘Dark in here, huh?’

    Man – ‘Yes, it is.’

    Boy – ‘I have a sand wedge.

    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’

    Boy – ‘$750’

    Man – ‘Sold.’

    A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, ‘Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let’s go outside and have some short game practice.

    The boy says, ‘I can’t Dad. I sold my ball and sand wedge.’

    The father says, ‘What?! How much did you sell them for?’

    Boy – ‘$1,000.’

    The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’

    They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says, ‘Dark in here, huh?’

    The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit with me again. You’re in my closet now.’

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  3. 3 Doc May 2nd, 2012 at 11:06 am

    @ Jeff Nicklus – Now you’ve offended me as a Catholic! How dare you assume I am still in the closet!?!?! J/k 🙂

  4. 4 Larry R May 2nd, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Jeff, Doc, and Cyril, those are really funny. Thanks for sharing.

  5. 5 fuji May 2nd, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior College .
    On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

    The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering if this was the same elephant… Joe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Joe’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

    This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories . LOL

  6. 6 David May 2nd, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    President Obama was have trouble sleeping so while laying in the bed one night unable to sleep a vision of George Washington appeared above him.

    Obama tells George about his sleeping problem and ask what would he do to be a better president so he can relax and get some sleep.George replies “Be Honest”. then George disappears.

    The next night it’s the same thing, but Thomas Jefferson appears over his bed and he ask him what he should do and Thomas answers “Be Courageous”, and then he disappears.

    The next night Obama is laying there tossing and turning , Keeping Michelle awake and all of a suddened Abe Lincoln appears.

    Obama says “Damn need to get some sleep” Abe what can I do to get some rest? Abe strokes his beard for a second and ponders the moment, then says to Obama ….”Maybe you should go to the Theater !!!”

    When that happens maybe we will all get some rest !!

    SSDD;David

  7. 7 Boomer May 3rd, 2012 at 3:55 am

    Seniors at a McDonalds

    A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at a Port Orange McDonalds on a Sunday Mornimg.

    “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.

    “Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad; I can’t even see my coffee.”

    “I couldn’t even mark an “X” at election time, my hands are so crippled,” volunteered a third.

    “What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you!”

    “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

    “My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!” exclaimed another.

    “I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said another.

    “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

    The others nodded in agreement.

    “Well, count your Blessings,” said a tall man cheerfully – – “thank God we can all still ride our motorcycles.”

  8. 8 Kevin 11 May 3rd, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Thanks for the laughs guys !! I really had a good time reading them. Most of the time the jokes are kind of borderline, but the responses to this one are priceless. keep the sunny side up ladies and gents. Safe riding. K-11

  9. 9 Terry S May 3rd, 2012 at 9:03 am

    I was in the bar the other night and there were two rather large women sitting in the corner having a drink and I noticed they had some kind of British accent so I said, ” Are you two ladies from Scotland? One of them loudly said,” It’s WALES, you Moron”. I replied, ” Excuse me, Are you two WALES from Scotland?”

  10. 10 hoyt May 3rd, 2012 at 10:14 am

    @Jeff – no problem here with me being easy-going.

  11. 11 Kroeter May 3rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Right on, fuji, ha ha.

  12. 12 fredp May 4th, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    “I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can’t answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.”

  13. 13 burnout May 4th, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Freddie that is painfully funny….cause it’s true! While training for my CDL we were in the simulator. The instructor would ask us what actions we would take under certain emergencies. One such emergency was losing all air pressure going down a steep 2 mile grade with a sharp turn at the bottom. The Jake brake knob breaks off in my hand, the instructor asks “What do you do?” I say ” I am gonna wake up my co-driver, Amos, in the sleeper”. The instructor wants to know why. I say ” Cause Amos aint NEVER seen no BAD wreck before!!” peace

  14. 14 Jeff Nicklus May 8th, 2012 at 11:40 am

    The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

    The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, ‘Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way ?’

    The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, ‘First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?’ Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, ‘Uh . . . no, I didn’t know that.’

    ‘Secondly,’ says the lawyer, ‘did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?’ The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

    ‘Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?’

    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says,
    ‘I’m so sorry, I had no idea.’

    And the lawyer says,
    ‘So . . . if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you?

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

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