Joke Of The Week

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his  mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: 

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve Arrived

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure it’s freaking hot down here

Zipper's

6 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 Mosaic Oct 19th, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Two women were sitting next to each other in total silence.

  2. 2 Olive Oil Oct 20th, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**
    **’Hello?’**
    **’Hi honey.** **This is Daddy.**
    **Is Mommy near the phone?’**

    **’No, Daddy.**
    **She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.’**

    **After a brief pause,**

    **Daddy says,**
    **’But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Gabe.’**

    **’Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
    **Right now..’**

    Brief Pause.

    **’Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
    **Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
    **And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
    **That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’**

    **’Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’**

    **A few minutes later**
    **The little girl comes back to the phone.**

    **’I did it, Daddy.’**

    **’And what happened, honey?’ **
    ‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**

    **Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
    **And now she isn’t moving at all!’**
    **’Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe?’**

    **’He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

    **He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
    **And into the swimming pool..**
    **But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water**
    **Last week to clean it.**
    **He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’**

    *****Long Pause*****

    *****Longer Pause*****

    *****Even Longer Pause*****

    **Then Daddy says,**

    **’Swimming pool? …………**

    **Is this 486-5731?’*

    **No, I think you have the wrong number……..

  3. 3 Olive Oil Oct 20th, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car
    which said:

    Two Prostitutes – $50.00.

    A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them, and told them they’d either have
    to remove the sign or go to jail.
    At that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “Jesus Saves.”
    One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?”
    “Well, that’s a little different,” the officer said. “Their sign pertains to
    religion.”
    The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers
    driving around with a large sign on their car.
    He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:

    Two Fallen Angels
    Seeking Peter — $50.

  4. 4 McGillicutty Oct 21st, 2012 at 12:39 am

    ITALIAN FUNERAL DOG

    An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

    Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a leash.

    Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

    The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the Italian woman walking the dog and said: “I am so sorry for your loss and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

    “My husband’s.”

    ”What happened to him?”

    “He yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed him.”

    She inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

    The Italian woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

    A very poignant and touching moment of Italian sisterhood and silence passed between the two women.

    “Can I borrow the dog?”

    The woman replied, “Get in line.”

  5. 5 Olive Oil Oct 21st, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

    As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

    With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

    Resuming the journey, Sally tried to make small talk with the Navajo woman, but the woman spoke very little English.

    The woman looked intently at everything in the car as if this experience was very new.

    She noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

    “What in bag?” asked the Navajo woman.

    Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.”

    The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, “Good trade!”

  6. 6 Mccammon Oct 23rd, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Love the jokes keep them comming

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