Political Jokes For The Presidential Debate In My City Of Boca Raton, Florida

I live and work 1/4 of a mile from the Lynn University in Boca Raton, Florida where Barack Obama and Mitt Romney will debate tomorrow Monday October 22, 2012 at 9 p.m. ET. Returning from Daytona Biketoberfest I just found out that intense security is already in place on a very wide perimeter reaching my HQ. Americans are so polarized about this election that I thought a few good jokes should be helpful in helping everybody relax. Here are the new rules for tomorrow’s debate (by Frank Cerabino from PB Post)

1. A coin toss will be used to determine who speaks first. If President Obama wins, he may use the coin to pay down the country’s $16 trillion debt. If Gov. Romney wins, he may deposit the coin in the Cayman Islands.

2. The candidates will take the stage from opposite directions, approach each other, and engage in a handshake of no less than five seconds and no more than 10 seconds. The pressure of the handshake should not exceed 20 psi. During the handshake, both candidates must smile broadly at each other while mouthing, “douche bag.”

3. As part of their introductory remarks, both candidates will be allowed 30 seconds to praise the academic programs at Lynn University, even though they had no idea the place even existed until they arrived.

4. Throughout the debate, candidates will be prohibited from getting assistance from hidden listening devices, stage props or aerial drones.

5. The name of the city is pronounced Boca Rah-tone. Any candidate who says Boca Rah-tan, or Rah-tohn will forfeit his chance to solicit a campaign contribution from the Countess Henrietta de Hoernle.

6. The moderator will be Bob Schieffer of CBS News. Due to the 9 p.m. start, he may doze from time to time during the debate. Both candidates will have a “moderator shock button” at their station to be used in case Schieffer nods off.

7. Q&A; Format: Each candidate will have two minutes to ignore the question.

8. Because presidential debates serve primarily as drinking games for young voters, the candidates should refrain from overusing the words “middle class” to the extent that it could cause a nationwide outbreak of severe alcohol poisoning.

9. If Schieffer tries to remind you that he asked you a question about Iran, and you’ve been talking about Ohio, you will be permitted to talk about Florida, Colorado or Nevada.

10. If you say something that’s clearly wrong, and Schieffer starts to fact-check you on the spot, you may NOT use the “moderator shock button” to shut him up.

11. It’s against the rules to interrupt each other. But please do. If you don’t, TV viewers will go back to watching the Monday Night Football game between the Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions.

12. Romney will be not be allowed to challenge Obama with a $10,000 bet on the Lions.

13. Because we are in South Florida, each candidate will be required to speak one awkwardly mispronounced sentence in Spanish.

14. The audience must remain silent. However, Florida law allows men 65 and older to disrupt public gatherings by repeatedly shouting “What did he say?” to their wives.

15. Cellphones in the hall will be turned off, except for those phones owned by people who have no idea how to make them silent.

16. The debate will end promptly at 10:30 p.m. As per local custom, the audience will start leaving the hall 10 minutes earlier to beat the rush.

Zipper's

40 Responses to “Political Jokes For The Presidential Debate In My City Of Boca Raton, Florida”


  1. 1 BobS Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:53 am

    #14!!! Lol.

  2. 2 Shifter Oct 21st, 2012 at 11:05 am

    LOL x 16.

  3. 3 Greeko Oct 21st, 2012 at 11:10 am

    It’s not a political website, but who is going to start the debate between readers?

  4. 4 J. Pasanek Oct 21st, 2012 at 11:41 am

    What will it change? Whoever is elected, the economy will get better and either Obama or Romney will get praise. Foreign policy is the only area where a President has influence. All the rest is BS. Government doesn’t create private jobs, only government employee jobs.

  5. 5 Frosty Oct 21st, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    The country needs more humor.

  6. 6 Blackmax Oct 21st, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    As said before, the lives of 99% of us will not change
    It will continue to be as crappy as ever
    No matter which one of these “douche bag.” gets in …….

  7. 7 Vintage Twin Oct 21st, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    “As said before, the lives of 99% of us will not change
    It will continue to be as crappy as ever”
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
    Because we have nothing new.
    To obtain NEW, you have to inject New into society? Watch the pot review on 60 Minutes tonight.
    New is HEMP production. Kick cotton’s pesticide habit. I’m wearing the 55% hemp/ 45% organic cotton, 17″ inseam KnuckleWear “Pineapple” iPhone shorts. Trying to “bust a seam”…. can’t. Too tough.
    Want change? Grow non-tHc hemp. Problems …. write the “church” and demand they back-off.
    Want change? Put WEED up against all Alcohol. Weed won’t kill…. goddamn Alcohol will.
    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
    Not tax pot? Not grow hemp? Suffer mutha-flocker’s 🙂 Serves America right. 🙂

  8. 8 Rodent Oct 21st, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Cyril, put directions on your shop for the Secret Service to go to find the local hookers and you’ll be doing them a service.

  9. 9 Vintage Twin Oct 21st, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Well done! The public has all the facts they need to know to make a rational decision.

    Key statement from Colorado’s Pot Czar, Ex-Narc, turned positive thinking believer, when asked by Steve what the impact-outcome of Marijuana was on the State of Colorado?

    “Nothing!, 🙂 replied the Ex-Narc.

    WE TOLD YOU SO!

    ——————————————————
    Thanx Steve Kroft and 60 Minutes.

  10. 10 Nobody Oct 22nd, 2012 at 2:45 am

    “9. If Schieffer tries to remind you that he asked you a question about Iran, and you’ve been talking about Ohio, you will be permitted to talk about Florida, Colorado or Nevada.”

    I say smack them in the ears with a ruler every time they doe this and remind them to clean the shit out of their ears and answer the question that was asked.

  11. 11 Kevin 11 Oct 22nd, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Eh, Vibtage Twin, Why don’t you stop spamming with your bullsj@t hemp products already? Hemp is for smoking and your non stop meanderings are a true bore. Get a real life and job. Dick

  12. 12 UseToBe Oct 22nd, 2012 at 8:14 am

    The last five to six years have been devastating for the motorcycle industry. Credit went away for new motorcycles. Raising cost of materials and employees are killing our motorcycle manufactures. I don’t know if Romney can fix our problems, but I do know that Obama will not. We need to get our industry back and get our builders, accessory providers, dealerships, and mechanics working again.

  13. 13 Vintage Twin Oct 22nd, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Hemp is for smoking
    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
    Actually hemp is for clothing and cattle, but won’t be allowed in Church-managed states like Texas, Florida, and any state in the Union with “Blue Laws” (where items like motorcycle parts are not sold on Saturday or Sundays).

    The only remedy to escape Jesus in those states is to pack up and leave. 🙂

  14. 14 Toby Oct 22nd, 2012 at 9:36 am

    #17 NCLS Game 7 tonight.

  15. 15 Sid Oct 22nd, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    @Kevin 11 – lighten up, man. Maybe figuratively & literally. Hemp products are viable & the point about alcohol vs. marijuana are valid. Do you want to go back to Prohibition?

  16. 16 Vintage Twin Oct 22nd, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Kev’s drunk 🙂

  17. 17 CafeSportyTC Oct 22nd, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    I’m tired of the campaign crap , but Cyril thanks for the laugh! I think everyone gets this fed up this close to the election, I’m decided but ill wait till election day to vote

  18. 18 Vintage Twin Oct 22nd, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Things not to do when running for president:
    1. Tell everybody that “I’ll bring God back into the White House.

    2. Telling Texas women how anything is going to BE for them as women under your presidency. Abortion for women ONLY in case of legitimate rape or incest or health reasons.

    3. Making a statement that you’ll eagerly sign any law that prevents abortion and to in fact, “Bring it to me and I’ll sign it gladly.

    4. Being a Mormon and spreading religious bullsheet to regular people of how thatey should conduct their lives.

    5. Telling Kirk Perry that marijuana use is a “privilege” and not a Civil Right. Peace till you piss on peace…. then you better look out.

    Gotta love an election year. Stir the pot, see who cracks emotionally.
    The British love to see someone lose their composure in public, so do we. 🙂

  19. 19 Boss Hawg Oct 23rd, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Round 3 to Obama

    Boss Hawg

  20. 20 Patrick Oct 23rd, 2012 at 8:52 am

    If you want to understand the horrible agenda of Romney & Ryan against women, young’s & seniors, and all the measures benefiting the very rich, read the October 11 issue of Rolling Stones. Romney/Ryan, a disaster waiting to happen for the future of our country. Vote Obama

  21. 21 Vintage Twin Oct 23rd, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    In 4-years I’d vote for Ryan. In his 40’s, he’s part of the Grand New Party (GNP) of Republicans that will compromise. He’s flexible on abortion. Wants states to decide on weed….. Ryan coulda’ been a contender, Stella.

    Romney is too old to bend, and the very bottom of the Republican Grand Olde Party (GOP) barrel, or he wouldn’t be running. Ryan’s too inexperienced today, but he’ll be ready in 2016.

    That’s all the Repbulican’s have except Saran Palin, and she refuses to have surgery on her voice box to lower the pitch two octaves.

    Yep, Obama or stay home.

  22. 22 nicker Oct 24th, 2012 at 12:09 am

    I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

    ‘This is the 21st century, old man,’ he said. ‘We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad.’

    I can tell you, that frikin’ fly never knew what hit it..

    -nicker-
    -PS-
    4 more years of OhBummer and there’ll be so many flies buzzing around the carcass of a dead USA, swatting-em will be senseless.

  23. 23 CafeSportyTC Oct 24th, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Kind of surprises me that there are so many in the biker crowd , who praise freedom, love there freedom, and would defend it with the barrel of a gun….that would still vote for a new world order socialist punk like Obama. I understand for some of you your ties to the Democratic party are strong, fine great, but are you so blinded by your loyalty for the Party that your willing to vote for someone who is antithetical to the American way of life. Some of you will jump the wagon and label someone who disagrees with the presidents views as a racist, because that’s what you’ve been taught, if they don’t agree minimalize them, demonize them, make them look like an ignorant fool. this is what the democratic party has become.
    Im a conservative obviously, my loyalty lies with the fundamental beliefs of our constitution. my loyalty is not to the republican party, my loyalty comes with the oath i took when i join our nations military. to protect and defend the CONSTITUTION of the United States of America, from threats foreign and DOMESTIC. We’re under attack folks , and if you don’t believe it your sadly mistaken.

    Flame on brothers

  24. 24 David Oct 24th, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    CafeSportyTC—- You got it just right..Sid and VintageTwin are both on the deep end. Grass doesn’t Kill??? Maybe not you but what about that guy you just ran off the road? Yeah Jemma cant drive while she’s stoned either . Can you without killing someone else(not you CafeSportyTc just in General)?

    SSDD;David

    Oh and by the Cyril Quit trying to stir us up…Your almost as bad as my local newspaper editor who always tell us how to vote.(he owns the paper) Your just funnier !!!

  25. 25 nicker Oct 25th, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Cafe….

    “flame on”…..????

    -No-
    Your not being near tough enough.
    Try this out:

    RE:
    “…Kind of surprises me that there are so many in the biker crowd , who praise freedom [but]…”

    Not surprising at all.
    Too many years of our schools teaching socialism.
    And too much all “inclusiveness.”
    Too many easy ways to do about anything.

    So its no wonder that all the contemporary brake-in-bikers who don’t know how their scooters work, who are afraid of dirt roads, who can’t kick-start a scooter, who wouldn’t think of riding in the rain, who couldn’t explain who to turn a motorcycle, who don’t know how the US economy works (and don’t care)……….. no wonder they all buy into this “kinder gentler” society crap.

    Too many people who don’t know enough to be allowed out in public without supervision.
    And in this case….Who don’t know “suicide-shift” from shinola …….. 🙂

    -nicker-

  26. 26 CafeSportyTC Oct 25th, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Nicker, “flame on” is a forum term for when you say something contrary to what most other seem to believe, getting “flamed” is basically getting chewed out. sorry if a bit of my computer geek side is showing through 🙂

  27. 27 burnout Oct 25th, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Hey Dr Proctor, You are un-characteristically quiet on this one? As is Jeff N. peace

  28. 28 Vintage Twin Oct 25th, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    I’ve never been much of a political person until this year. Only now since the (donate supported) Wikipedia, can the conspiracy of a handful of people be read in organized paragraphs, with names, places and events chronicled into a undisputed truth.

    Wikipedia is editable by users, and to date no one has refuted the article compiled by Bud Fairy, that clearly illustrates the amalgam ball of sheet that represented the life and times of W. Randolph Hearst, Andrew Mellon, the Du Pont’s, Harry J. Anslinger and the Episcopal church. All in collusion to protect their mutual admiration society. We’ll see about that.. 🙂

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8618-500495_162-13544.html?assetTypeId=41&messageId=13124638&tag=contentBody%3BcommentWrapper

    Thanks to Steve Kroft’s blog, we can now round-up these assholes in one burrito and flush them down the crapper in prime time!

    Read (part 2 of 2). Part (1 of 2) is bellow that a few paragraphs down.

    I like politics now….. I’m really having fun here in D.C …. all the way until election day. 🙂

  29. 29 nicker Oct 25th, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Cafe…….

    I think we’re on the same page.
    My point was simply that you weren’t tough enough one the “new-worlders” to get-em riled into flaming you.

    So i thought i’d demonstrate the finer points of “pissing in the [proverbial] punch bowl”…… 🙂

    -nicker-

  30. 30 CafeSportyTC Oct 26th, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Aha .. gotcha Nicker 🙂

  31. 31 Chris Oct 26th, 2012 at 11:53 am

    The Commies are coming! The Commies are coming! You guys are hilarious.

  32. 32 Patrick Oct 28th, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Why won’t Romney come clean about Jeep production moving to China?
     
    Two days after GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney told a crowd near Toledo, Ohio, that Chrysler was moving all Jeep production to China, the GOP candidate appears to be unfazed by his incorrect remarks and remains mum on the subject.
     
    Here’s what Romney said late Thursday in a speech at a Defiance, Ohio, rally: “I saw a story today that one of the great manufacturers in this state, Jeep, now owned by the Italians, is thinking of moving all production to China,” said Romney, citing an unnamed news story. But two days after the obvious lie, Romney has not apologized for his fear tactic and neither Romney nor his camp will discuss it. Chrysler immediately refuted Romney’s comments in a blog on the company’s website.
    “Let’s set the record straight: Jeep has no intention of shifting production of its Jeep models out of North America to China,” wrote Gualberto Ranieri, Chrysler’s vice president of communications.

    “It seems that every time Mitt Romney attempts to talk about the auto industry and how much he cares about American workers, he fumbles. This time he needs to take personal responsibility for perpetuating a deplorable and false statement about Chrysler, a U.S. automaker that has bounced back in a big way after bankruptcy,” said UAW President Bob King.

    “Once again the differences between Mitt Romney and President Obama are clear: The president fought on behalf of U.S. autoworkers and didn’t let us down,” King added.
    “Anyone with an ounce of knowledge about the auto industry and Chrysler’s production plans would know what Mitt Romney said wasn’t true,” said UAW Vice President General Holiefield, who directs the union’s Chrysler Department. “Since the 2009 auto rescue and recovery, we’ve added 7,000 workers at Chrysler, and we’ll add a third crew next week at the Jefferson North Assembly plant in Detroit – where Jeep Grand Cherokees and other models are made.”

    “It’s just another slap in the face to our autoworkers, but not surprising since Mitt Romney opposed the auto loans of Chrysler and General Motors,” said Ken Lortz, who directs UAW Region 2B, which represents workers in Ohio, as well as Indiana. “The Jeep plant in Toledo is expanding right now. In fact one year ago, Chrysler announced the addition of a second shift and 1,100 more jobs, along with a $500 million investment in upgrading the plant and adding a body shop.  Shame on Mitt Romney for twisting the story to scare people and then not even admitting he was wrong.”


    Vote Obama.

  33. 33 CafeSportyTC Oct 29th, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Patrick, your only proving how big of a moron you are. Chris, brainwashed idiot… wow

  34. 34 GOP Oct 29th, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Patrick: The comments about Chrysler moving production is right. Where it might move to was wrong. “To counter the severe slump in European sales, Marchionne (CEO of Fiat) is considering building Chrysler models in Italy, including Jeeps, for export to North America. The Italian government is evaluating tax rebates on export goods to help Fiat. Marchionne may announce details of his plan as soon as Oct. 30, the people said.” – From Bloomberg BusinessWeek 10/29/12

    (http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-10-28/marchionne-seen-missing-fiat-sales-target-by-19-billion#p1)

    The president’s policies are counter productive to the country. The last four year prove that. Our industry can’t recover with Obama leading the country. We shall see what the country really thinks about how the president is doing on November 6th.

    Let’s get America working again. Vote Romney.

  35. 35 Vintage Twin Oct 29th, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    It’s too bad that the election choices are:
    Romney:
    1. A better businessman for the country and economy,
    2. But losing your civil rights (marijuana, abortion rights), and being persecuted for your current MJ states rights. And MJ users take that to mean going to jail for weed and losing your home for growing a single, nectar-ripened Indica plant, that grows no less than 6 feet tall and 3 feet wide, even if you manage to trellis it into a hedge. 🙂
    3. Unknown, if any, but probably Mormon evangelism.

    ~ or ~

    Obama:
    1. Wealthy get their earnings taxed more than the usual 15% -25%, or whatever they can’t hide through legitimate expenses and tax-free off-shore bank accounts.
    2. The country goes on a mass transit related WPA projects to improve the countries infrastructure.
    3. Remain a low-key player in world trade with uneventful stock growth.
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

    I’ll vote for Obama, if you’ll vote FOR Hemp. In the Smithsonian’s American History museum, bottom floor, there’s a red chassis, blue trim, Conestoga wagon with a canvas hemp cover. I asked the docent (on Friday afternoon) whether HEMP might play a part in American Agriculture again one day. He said, “Quite possibly, the farmer’s love it. Most of the population where I’m from, Colorado, are for it.”

  36. 36 Vintage Twin Oct 30th, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    I’ll vote for Obama, if you’ll vote FOR Hemp.
    In the Smithsonian’s American History museum, bottom floor, there’s a red chassis, blue trim, Conestoga wagon with a canvas hemp cover. I asked the docent (on Friday afternoon) whether HEMP might play a part in American Agriculture again one day. He said, “Quite possibly, the farmer’s love it. Most of the population where I’m from, Colorado, are for it.”
    ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
    Glenn Curtiss occupies a respectable area of floor space in aerospace museum. His V-Twin, long block, record holding speed bike is behind glass. The fork stem riser and handlebar are one single casting. The handlebars reach straight-back about 24-plus inches, and are supported on each side by 3/8 (almost-fixed) rods clevis pinned for disassembly. As so, a salt-flats bike. Drive-shaft powered, by universal joint, by tapered-pinion gear-to-gear sprocket driven.
    Glenn Curtiss made a lot of motor-driven adventures for himself.

    There are no P-51’s in the SmithHouse. Too valuable as flyers to hang idle. 🙂

  37. 37 Patrick Oct 30th, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Romney-Ryan: Private Equity Pirates Profiting off the misfortune of Delphi autoworkers

    DETROIT – Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney are the last people who should be championing the cause of Delphi salaried workers whose pensions were terminated during the General Motors and Delphi bankruptcies. Despite opposing the auto rescue, Romney personally profited off the deal that cut the pensions of workers at Delphi Automotive, an automotive parts division spun off from GM in 1999.

    A recent report in The Nation detailed Romney’s investment in the hedge fund that swooped in to buy – for pennies on the dollar – controlling interest in Delphi during its bankruptcy. The Romney campaign has not denied that the Romney family made at least $15 million and as much as $115 million off its investment in the hedge fund that controlled Delphi after its bankruptcy.

    Romney’s investor group leveraged more than $12 billion in rescue funds from the U.S. Treasury Department through its major customer, GM, by threatening to withhold components critical to the assembly of GM cars. Steven Rattner, former counselor to the Treasury secretary in the Obama administration during the auto restructuring, likened it to “extortion demands by the Barbary pirates.”

    “It was Mitt Romney’s major campaign contributor – not the Obama Administration – who forced the termination of all of the Delphi pension plans for both union and salaried workers,” said UAW President Bob King. “GM is paying the portion of the pension of UAW members that is not covered by the PBGC [Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp.], because it is honoring an agreement in place since 1999, when Delphi was spun off from GM. We have always supported the salaried Delphi workers receiving their full pensions, and it is unfortunate that Mitt Romney, after dumping their pensions, is further exploiting these workers for his personal gain. Delphi’s major new owners made enough profit in just one year to have fully funded these salaried workers’ pensions and still made $400 million.”

    “So while Romney was opposing the rescue of one of the nation’s most important manufacturing sectors, he was building his fortunes with his Delphi investor group, making his fortunes off the misfortunes of others. The company Romney founded, Bain Capital, continues to devastate American workers and communities by closing profitable U.S. facilities and shifting work to China to make even more profits. A current example happening today is Bain closing a profitable Sensata plant in Freeport, Ill.,” King said.

    “Romney says he will fight for every American job, so why isn’t he fighting for the American jobs at Sensata? And why isn’t he intervening with his own Bain Capital to keep these jobs in the U.S. rather than outsourcing them to China? Romney’s pirate practices have only recently come to light through the investigative work of journalist Greg Palast. What else is Romney hiding?” King added.

  38. 38 Vintage Twin Oct 30th, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    http://conestogawagons.wordpress.com/2010/10/08/conestoga-wagon-on-exhibit-at-the-smithonians-museum-of-american-history-in-washington-dc/
    •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
    The fabric of America 🙂

  39. 39 Anonymous Oct 30th, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    I’ve lost the faith. The UAW, SEIU, and others believe the general public should subsidize their businesses is ridiculous. Communism belongs on a different continent. Happy Halloween.

  40. 40 BC Oct 31st, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Don’t want the Mormon, don’t want the Muslim (sympathizer , at least.) Can’t we do better out of 300 million people to chose from in America?!

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