Joke Of The Week

cyril-huze-jokeAn Italian man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:”I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?” “My wife’s.” ”What happened to her?” “She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.” He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?” The Italian man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”

A very poignant and touching moment of Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men. “Can I borrow the dog?” The man replied, “Get in line.”

Zipper's

9 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 Jeff Nicklus Mar 5th, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    “This morning, I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home, I stopped at the gas station, and this drop-dead-gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.”

    She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, “I believe in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?”

    I thought it over for a few seconds and responded, “Well, just what kind of ammo have you got to trade?”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  2. 2 nicker Mar 5th, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    An old, blind biker wanders into an all-girl bar by mistake.
    He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
    After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

    The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

    In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

    ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair that you should know five things about this bar:

    1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a black-belt.

    3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 180-pound blonde woman with PMS.

    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde body-builder, jacked up on steroids.

    5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

    Now, think about it seriously, dude. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

    The blind biker thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.

    -nicker-

  3. 3 nicker Mar 6th, 2013 at 2:15 am

    A biker & his ol’lady were sitting watching a TV program about psychology which was explaining
    the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”. The dude turned to her and said, “That is an absolute
    bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

    So she said:

    “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.”

    -nicker-

  4. 4 fuji Mar 6th, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    Jeff Nicklus That was my sister that wanted the ammo.
    —————————————————————————————————————————————-

    Last Tuesday

    President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House – carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

    The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

    “Nice pigs, sir.”

    The President replied: “These are not pigs.

    These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.”

    The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, saluted and said, “Excellent trade, sir.”

    Semper Fi
    Fuji

  5. 5 Olive Oil Mar 6th, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.
    His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would
    therefore never have to testify in court.
    When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is.”
    The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where’s the money?
    Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”
    The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again or I’ll kill him!”
    The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
    Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
    The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
    The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

  6. 6 alley cat Mar 6th, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    Truthisms
    SIMPLE TRUTH 1

    Lovers help each other undress before sex.

    However after sex, they always dress on their own.

    Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.

  7. 7 Olive Oil Mar 6th, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband…
    For example..
    .
    A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
    From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
    She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
    Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
    As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

    “Hi Darling”, he says, “Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say “hello”?

  8. 8 Tom Ryan Mar 7th, 2013 at 3:39 am

    BODY ORGAN MEETING

    All of the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

    ” I should be in charge,” said the BRAIN, ” Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen. ”

    ” I should be in charge, ” said the BLOOD, ” Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away. ”

    ” I should be in charge, ” said the STOMACH, ” Because I process food and give all of you energy. ”

    ” I should be in charge,” said the LEGS, ” Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go. ”

    ” I should be in charge,” said the EYES, ” Because I allow the body to see where it goes. ”

    ” I should be in charge, ” said the RECTUM, ” Because I’m responsible for waste removal. ”

    All of the other body parts laughed at the RECTUM and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

    Within a few days, the BRAIN had a terrible headache, the STOMACH was bloated, the LEGS got wobbly, the EYES got watery, and the BLOOD was toxic.

    They all decided that the RECTUM should be the boss.

    The Moral of the story ?

    The ASSHOLE is usually the one in charge !

  9. 9 Tom Ryan Mar 7th, 2013 at 4:20 am

    A young gorgeous 23 year old blonde has her sights set on an 80 year old multi-millionaire. It’s her devious plan to marry the old guy, seduce him to death by giving him a heart attack, and then inherit his fortune.

    The old guy is so infatuated by the blonde beauty that he asks her to marry him after three weeks of dating. However, there’s one stipulation. They are to have NO kids.

    The newly wed couple takes over the best bridal suite in town and get ready to make love for the very first time in their young relationship. The young bride rips off her wedding dress and jumps into bed, while the old guy heads over to the washroom to get ready.

    Five minutes later, the old millionaire comes flying out of the washroom totally naked. He’s got a condom on this massive erection and he’s also wearing ear plugs and a nose plug.

    The young bride is somewhat startled and asks, ” Darlin’, why are you wearing the ear plugs and the nose plug ? ”

    By this time the old guy is standing at the foot of the bed with a horny grin on his face and says, ” Woman, there are two things I can’t stand in this life, and that’s the sound of a screaming woman and the smell of burning rubber. “

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