Joke Of The Week

cyril-huze-jokeA guy stopped at a local gas station, and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole.

The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road. “I can’t stand this,” said the man tossing the can into a trash container and headed down the road toward the men. “Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with all this digging and refilling?” “Well, we work for the government and we’re just doing our job,” one of the men said.

“But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the taxpayers’ money?” “You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back. Elmer’s job’s been cut … so now it’s just me an’ Leroy

Zipper's

17 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 tree Apr 5th, 2013 at 9:35 am

    That sounds about right… ya gotta love how the government decides it is gonna “save money”

  2. 2 USAYGO Apr 5th, 2013 at 10:39 am

    I bought a bird feeder. I hung It on
    my back porch and filled it with seed.
    What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it,lovingly with seed.
    Within a week we had hundreds of birds
    taking advantage of the continuous flow
    of free and easily accessible food.

    But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table,
    and next to the barbecue.

    Then came the poop. It was
    everywhere: on the patio tile,
    the chairs, the table…
    Everywhere!

    Then some of the birds turned mean.
    They would dive bomb me and try
    to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

    And others birds were boisterous and
    loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

    After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my
    own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the
    birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

    Soon, the back yard was like it used
    to be… quiet, serene….
    And no one demanding their
    rights to a free meal.

    Now let’s see…
    Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care
    and free education, and allows anyone
    born here to be an automatic
    Citizen.

    Then the illegal’s came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly, our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments
    are housing 5 families; you have to wait
    6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child’s second grade class is
    behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.

    Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;
    I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank
    talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are
    squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

    Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for
    the government to take down the bird feeder.

    If you agree, pass it on; if not,
    just continue cleaning up the poop.

  3. 3 rebel Apr 5th, 2013 at 11:12 am

    usaygo must have a government job, no one else could waste that much time writing a joke.

  4. 4 PHD Apr 5th, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    I didn’t see it as a joke. You must be an illegal alien.

  5. 5 Chris Apr 5th, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Hahahaha! Oh, I get it! Xenophobia is funny! Hahahaha!

    How about chop the arms off of the businesses that “hang the bird feeders” and hire illegal immigrants and see how quickly they stop showing up. It worked on your front porch.

    Dang, this is supposed to be a funny joke page and I just ruined it with some real talk. My bad.

  6. 6 nicker Apr 5th, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    RE:
    “….illegal alien…” …..???

    More like “illegal Democrat voters”…… 🙂

    -nicker-

  7. 7 trav Apr 6th, 2013 at 6:45 am

    that man didn’t recycle!…

  8. 8 Git Real Apr 6th, 2013 at 7:28 am

    I cross ocean, poor and broke,

    Take bus, see unemployment folk.
    Nice man treat me good in there,
    Say I need to see welfare.

    Welfare say, “You come no more,
    We send cash right to your door.”
    Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
    Medic aid it keep you healthy!

    By and by, I got plenty money,
    Thanks to you, American dummy.
    Write to friends in motherland,
    Tell them ‘come fast as you can.’

    They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
    I buy big house with welfare bucks
    They come here, we live together,
    More welfare checks — it gets better!

    Fourteen families, they moving in,
    But neighbour’s patience wearing thin.
    Finally, white guy moves away,
    Now I buy his house, and then I say,

    “Find more illegal aliens for house to rent.”
    And in the yard I put some tents.
    Send for family they just trash,
    But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

    Everything is very good,
    And soon we own the neighbourhood.
    We have hobby, it’s called breeding,
    Welfare pay for baby mama feeding.

    Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
    We get free! We got no bills!
    Americans crazy! They pay all year,
    To keep welfare running here.

    We think America darn good place!

    Too darn good for the white man race.
    If they no like us, they can scram,
    Got lots of room in Pakistan!

  9. 9 Olive Oil Apr 6th, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    A real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas.

    Sitting in a Cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said
    quietly, “Miss, y’all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade
    y’all to give me a piece of ass?”

    “Wow, that’s the most direct proposition I’ve ever had!” gasped the girl.

    Then she looked around the room, smiled and said, “Sure, why not?
    You’re an attractive guy too, and it’s pretty slow here right now, so
    why don’t we just slip away up to your room?”

    When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same
    table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, “Will there be anything
    else?”

    “Why yes,” replied the southern gentleman. “Ah sure ‘preciate what
    y’all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of
    y’all. But where ah come from in Albama, we lack our bourbon real
    cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink.”

  10. 10 Olive Oil Apr 6th, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Vaseline
    A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
    “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
    She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
    “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it for sex,” she said.
    The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge.
    But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”
    The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

  11. 11 Olive Oil Apr 6th, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    Two little old ladies, Connie & Evelyn were sitting on a park bench outside
    the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one,
    Connie, leaned over and said, ‘Life is so boring. We never have any fun
    anymore. For $10.00 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid,
    boring flower show!’

    ‘You’re on!’ said Evelyn, holding up a $10.00 bill.

    So Connie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked,
    streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower
    show.

    Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall,
    followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Connie
    came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

    ‘What happened?’ asked Evelyn.

    ‘I won $1,000 as 1st prize for ‘Best Dried Arrangement… !’

  12. 12 Olive Oil Apr 6th, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
    He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
    The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
    The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”
    The robot slaps the son.
    The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
    Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
    Son says, “Toy Story.”
    The robot slaps the son.
    Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
    Dad says,”What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”
    The robot slaps the father.
    Mom laughs and says,”Well, he certainly is your son.”
    The robot slaps the mother.
    Robot for sale!

  13. 13 Olive Oil Apr 6th, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
    and he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his
    cheeks are wrinkled from age.

    The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells
    the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

    When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the
    cleanest shave he’s had in years.

    But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had
    swallowed that little ball.

    The barber replied,” Just bring it back in a couple of days
    like everyone else does”.

  14. 14 Olive Oil Apr 6th, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    My daughter just walked into the living room and said “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.

    Well, she didn’t put it quite like that… she actually said…
    “Dad this is my new boyfriend, Muhammad.”

  15. 15 CafeSportyTC Apr 8th, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    lmfao olive

  16. 16 USAYGO Apr 8th, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Stuttering Cat – as explained by a Grade 4 student

    A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human
    beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says.

    A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”

    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
    become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

    “Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
    Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we
    knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

    “That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.

    “It sure was,” said the little girl.

    “My kitty raised her back, went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,’ but
    before she could say ‘Fuck!,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”

    The teacher had to leave the room.

  17. 17 USAYGO Apr 17th, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
    ‘I’m not sure what to do’ says the Devil. ‘You’re on my list, but I have no room for you.
    As you definitely have to stay here, I’m going to have to let someone else go.
    I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you.
    I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves.’
    Barack. thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
    The Devil opened the first room.
    In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water.
    He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
    Such was his fate in hell.
    ‘No!’ said Barack ‘I don’t think so, I’m not a good swimmer and don’t think I could stay in hot water all day.’

    The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks.
    All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
    ‘No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder.
    I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day.’ commented Barack
    The Devil opened the third door. In it, Barack saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head,
    and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose.
    Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
    Barack Obama looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said , ‘Yeah, I can handle this.’
    The Devil smiled and said, ‘OK, Monica, you’re free to Go’!!!!!!

Comments are currently closed.
S&S
S&S
S&S
S&S

Subscribe

Socialize

Facebook Google+ Twitter