Joke Of The Week

cyril-huze-joke44A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, sued St Luke’s hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost  all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied …

“Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology. All we did was to correct his eyesight.”

3 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”

  1. 1 Olive Oil Sep 6th, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get them to turn red.

    One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

    The woman asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?”

    The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato Garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”

    Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.

    So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

    One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”

    “No”, she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”

  2. 2 USAYGO Sep 6th, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester , just off Deansgate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
    ‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

    ‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework…

    ‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

  3. 3 THHN Sep 9th, 2013 at 9:08 am

    A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him.

    Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

    ‘Arrgh! What happened?’ the Leprechaun asks.

    ‘I’m afraid I hit you with my golf ball,’ the golfer says.

    ‘Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?’

    ‘Thank God, you’re all right!’ the golfer answers in relief. ‘I don’t want anything. I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologise.’

    And with that the golfer walks off. ‘What a nice guy,’ the Leprechaun says to himself. ?I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things I would want… a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.’

    A year goes by before the golfer is back. At the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and when he goes to retrieve his ball, the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

    ‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ‘ the little guy says. ‘I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?’

    ‘My game is fantastic!’ the golfer answers: ‘I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ He adds, ‘By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.’

    ‘Oh, I’m fine, thanks, says the leprechaun: ‘You know, it was me that made your golf game improve. So tell me, how’s yer money situation’?

    ‘Why, it’s just wonderful!’ the golfer states. ‘When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn’t even know were there!’

    ‘I did that fer ye also,’ smiles the leprechaun. ?And tell me, how’s yer sex life?’

    The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, ‘It’s OK.’

    C’mon, c’mon now,’ urged the Leprechaun, ‘I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?’

    Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, ‘Once, sometimes twice a week.’

    ‘What?’ responds the Leprechaun in shock. ‘That’s all? Only once or twice a week?’

    ‘Well,’ says the golfer, ‘I figure that’s not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish

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Cyril Huze