Joke Of The Week

cyril-huze-joke44A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’….. and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:’For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’. After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and  instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:

‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back.’

Zipper's

7 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 Big Mike Sep 21st, 2013 at 10:49 am

    I’m sure no coincidence she was sitting alone.

  2. 2 Ac@SRG Sep 22nd, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Did I read that sign right?
    “TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.”

    In a Laundromat:
    AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

  3. 3 Olive Oil Sep 22nd, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Little Doris was not the best student in Catholic School .
    Usually she slept through the class.
    One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
    ‘Tell me Doris, who created the universe?’
    When Doris didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
    ‘God Almighty!’ shouted Doris.
    The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class..
    A little later the Nun asked Doris, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’
    But Doris didn’t stir from her slumber.
    Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
    ‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted Doris.
    And the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,’ and Doris fell back asleep..
    The Nun asked her a third question…’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’
    Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Doris jumped up and shouted,
    ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’

    The nun fainted !

  4. 4 Olive Oil Sep 22nd, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    “Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses.”

    “Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza.”

    “Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center.”

    “Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown”

    The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says
    to the wife, “Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working
    man to have accumulated all this property.

    Sarah replies, “Property shmoperty…the schmuck has a milk route.”

  5. 5 Olive Oil Sep 22nd, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    I just received my tax return for 2012 back from the Revenue Canada. It puzzles me!!!
    They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
    I guess it was because of my response to the line : “List all dependents”
    I replied: 2 million Native Indians; 1 million crack heads;
    7.3 million unemployed people , 100,000 people in prisons;
    Half of Haiti; and 105 persons in the Senate and 308 Members of Parliament.
    Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

    I KEEP ASKING MYSELF,

    WHO THE HELL DID I MISS?

  6. 6 Olive Oil Sep 22nd, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Sad News:

    Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
    The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
    complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of
    celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth,
    Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,
    and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

    Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy
    as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

    Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business,
    but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
    wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times,
    he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

    Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John
    Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven.
    He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

    The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

  7. 7 Olive Oil Sep 22nd, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    A Newfie was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck….

    Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
    Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.

    After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

    One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.

    As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Newfie soon, he leaned over to the sheep and… put his arm around it.

    But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

    After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

    A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

    The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen.

    She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

    When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

    It was another beautiful evening… red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze – perfect for a night of romance.

    Pretty soon, the Newfie started to get ‘those feelings’ again.

    He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,
    ‘Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’

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