Japanese couple is in an argument over ways of having highly erotic sex….
Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!.
And you sit front of your screen, reading this as if you understand Japanese!
You are really unbelievable! I always knew that anything on SEX would grab your attention…
I just figured the wife’s name was aki.
Watashi wa nihongo ga rikaidekinai, nani o imi suru nodesu ka
Google translate says its Swahili.. Partly..
Yes, I was that interested in what it said..
Kawasaki sushi karate honda Tokyo sony mitsubishi.
You misspelled tin-kouhji
Blonde Joke
A blonde heard that bathing in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman asks, “Hi. I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk but I’m assuming you mean 2.5 gallons?”
The blonde replies, “No, that’s correct. I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill-up my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”
The milkman asks, “Do you want it pasteurized?”
The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits.”
————————-
Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?”
He said, “Yes, I want 5 loaves.
She said, “FIVE loaves? My goodness … By the time you get to the 5th loaf, it’ll be hard as a rock”
He replied, “I can’t believe it. Everybody in the world knows about this shit but me.”
It was entertainment night at the senior citizens’ center.
After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
“Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
“I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.
“It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” said Claude.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting
“Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.
The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.
They were hypnotized.
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact”
“SHIT” said Claude.
It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens ‘ Center and Claude was never invited there again.
Yes I like sex and I have a degree in Japanese. That wasn’t Japanese.
Good joke though!
Yeap!
A Man went the doctors office to ask for a Triple Dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a triple dose.
‘Why not?’ asked the man. ‘Because it’s not safe,’ replied the doctor.
‘But I need it really bad,’ said the man.
‘Well, why do you need it so badly?’ asked the doctor.
The man said, ‘My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I’ve got to have a triple dose.
The doctor finally relented saying, ‘All right, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you, to see if there are any side effects.’
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor’s office…his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, ‘Good gawd! What happened to you?’
The man said, ‘No one showed up’.
Over & Out,
Jeff
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many
kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions’.
‘Onions?’
‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,’Mum, how many
kinds of ‘willies’ are there?.
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through
three phases.
In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.’
‘A Christmas tree?’
‘Yes – the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine French restaurant.
They were gazing at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled- apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress- thinking this was a bit of risqué behavior that might offend other diners, went over to the table and tactfully, began by saying to the woman,
“Pardon me, but I think your husband just slid underneath the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, “No he didn’t….he just walked in”.
Text from daughter to mom:
“Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend’s
cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut
it out?”
Text from mom to daughter:
“It’s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won’t
have to cut it out. I’ve had loads of cum in my hair over the
years and it will just wash out.”
Daughter back to mom:
“OMG, mom…..sorry, I misspelled gum.”