A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’ The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: ‘You got Male!
A seriously depressed woman stands at the
edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.
A passing hobo stops and says, “since you’re about
to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?
“The woman said “Hell no…get away from me…you’re a sicko!
“The bum turned to leave and muttered “Fine, I’ll just go wait at the bottom.”
Later Jay
I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the
Canadian Border.
He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down,
it is nearly waist high and is still falling.
The temperature is dropping way below zero, and the north wind is
increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
That you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
‘No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’
An old man was asked,
“At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?”
The wise-one answered,
“Definitely Parkinson’s. Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle.”
-nicker-