A local father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended with her saying, in that sweet
little voice, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.” The father asked, ‘Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?’… The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.” The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.” The next day the grandmother died. “Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with ‘the other side’.”
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.” He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch alone, with the office
door locked, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?” He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.” She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
Ho in one.
Good-bye mommy?
Bye Bye real Daddy. Funny one Cyril.
BWHAHAA !!!
That is a REALLY good one !!!!
Pregnant At 71
A woman went to the doctor’s office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
“What’s the matter with you?” the older doctor demanded. “Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?”
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up asked, “Does she still have the hiccups?”
-nicker-
Driver’s License. . .
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date.
‘ Mommy ,’ the little girl asks, ‘how old are you?’
‘Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,’ the mother replied.
‘It’s not polite.’
‘OK’, the little girl says,
‘How much do you weigh?’
‘Or their weight,’ the mother says,
‘those are personal questions and are really none of your business.’
Undaunted, the little girl asks, ‘Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?’
‘That’s enough questions, young lady! Honestly!’
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
‘ My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,’ the little girl says to her friend.
‘Well,’ says the friend, ‘all you need to do is look at her driver’s license.
It’s like a report card, it has everything on it.’
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
‘I know how old you are. You are 32.’
The mother is surprised and asks,
‘How did you find that out?
‘It’s a secret, I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.’
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
‘How did you find that out?’
‘And,’ the little girl says triumphantly,
‘I know why you and daddy got a divorce.’
‘Oh really?’ the mother asks. ‘Why?’
‘Because you got an F in sex.’
Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox baseball game, sitting in the first row with the Secret Service seated directly behind them. One of the Secret Service agents leans forward and says something to the President.
Barack stares at the agent, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head.
The agent then says “Mr. President, it was a request from the team owner who is a big campaign contributor, and the fans will love it!”
So, Barack shrugs and says “Well, if it will help my poll numbers.”
He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field.
She gets up kicking, screaming & swearing. The crowd goes wild; cheering, applauding, and high-fiving. Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says “You were right, I would have never believed that!”
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what was wrong.
The agent replies “Sir, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!!!”