Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office…. but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, ‘I’ll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.’ The girl looked at him and then said, ‘NO.’ Eddie said, ‘I’ll be real fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll finish by the time you’ve picked it up.’
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, ‘Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won’t even be able to get his pants down.’ She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend’s call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks,’What happened?’ Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, ‘The bastard had all quarters!’
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
An old biker hiking through the woods come across a frog.
The frog says:
“I’m a beautiful porn star who has been transformed into a frog buy the Wicked witch of ‘Biker Build-off”. The deal is, if you kiss me it’ll break the spell and turn back into a Porn star who will do ANYTHING you want me to do.”
The biker thinks for a moment, then scoops up the frog and stuffs it into his pocket.
After a while the frog said:
“…Didn’t you understand? I’ll become a beautiful Pron Star and do anything you want.”
To this the biker replied:
“You need to understand that I already married one Pron Star and dated several others. All of em cost me a bunch-a money. Now with a talking frog I can probably earn most of it back. All I want you to do is keep talking.”
-nicker-
I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an
unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table
in my favorite cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there’….
and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds,
not looking at me, then decided to send a reply
to me by a note.The waiter, who was lingering
nearby for a response, took the note from her
and conveyed it to me.
*The note read:* ‘For me to accept this bottle,
you need to have a Mercedes in your garage,
a million dollars in the bank
and 7 inches in your pants……
After reading the note, I decided to compose one
of my own in return. I folded the note, handed it
to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
*It read:* Just to let you know things aren’t always
what they appear to be:
I have a Ferrari Maranello,
a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a PorscheTurbo in
my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and
Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas .
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank
account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as
beautiful as you, would I cut off two inches.
Just send the f**king wine back.