A widowed Jewish lady, still in very good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near Tel Aviv.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “How are you today?” “Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book. “I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked. “First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,” he replied and turned back to his book.
“I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely,” she countered. ”Do you live around here?” she asked. “Yes, I live over in Haifa,” he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?”
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life. When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”
The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”
Oy gevalt!
A politician picks up a hooker. ‘How much do charge for da’ hour sister?’ he asks.
‘$100,’ she replies.
He says, ‘Do you do it politician style?’
‘No’, she says.
‘I pay you $200 to do it politician style’.
‘No’, she says, not knowing what politician style is.
‘I pay you $300’.
‘No,’ she says.
‘I pay you $400’.
‘No,’ she says.
So finally he says, ‘OK, I pay you $1000 to do it politician style’.
She thinks, ‘Well, I’ve been in the game for 10 years now. I’ve had every kind of requests from weirdos from every part of the world. How bad could politician style be?’.
So she agrees and has sex with him. They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, ‘Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is politician style?’
The politician replies, ‘You send the bill to the government’.
Last Will and Testament
Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys, and is on his deathbed, and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
“My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”
“My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier..”
“My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center .”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound.”
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, “Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”
The wife replies, “The idiot had a paper route”!!!
@ Calif Phil
Being from FL I can appreciate this one…its a good 1.
Merry Christmas to All.
Boss Hawg