Joke Of The Week

jokeoftheweekMorris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied “’I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars”. One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said ”Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.” To this, Esther replied ”Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.” The pilot overheard the couple and said
” Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. 

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, 

But still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said ”By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!.”Morris replied ”Well, to tell you the truth, 

I almost said something when Esther fell out.  But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!” (From Troy at Accutronix)


19 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”

  1. 1 Jeff Nicklus Jul 8th, 2009 at 9:20 am

    The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

    The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
    People are spitting on the wrong side.

    Over & Out,


  2. 2 Jeff Nicklus Jul 8th, 2009 at 9:23 am

    The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat..
    There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman’s poodle.

    The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”

    The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.

    The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog.

    “Please,ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.”

    She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”

    This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

    The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!”

    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. “Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

    Over & Out,


  3. 3 FUJI Jul 8th, 2009 at 9:42 am

    Semper Fi.

  4. 4 Jeff Nicklus Jul 8th, 2009 at 11:22 am

    A Powerful Message from Stevie Wonder on Michael Jackson’s Death…

    ……. .. … … .. …..
    .. . . … . . . . . .. . .. …. .. .. . … ..
    … … .. … … … … …. …… … … … …. ….. .. .
    .. . . … .. . . . ..
    .. . …. … …. …. …
    …… …. …. …. ….. ….. ….. .. . . …. ….
    . .. .
    . . .. . .. . …
    ……. … … … .. … ……. … .. …. … … …. ….
    . .. .. .
    .. ….
    .. . . . . . .. .. … ..
    .. …. .. … … ……. …… …..

    Deep stuff hey?
    I nearly cried when he said “. .. . . . .. .. … .. .. . … …. ….. ..

    Over & Out,


  5. 5 Jeff Nicklus Jul 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven,

    God addresses Al first. ”Al, what do you believe in?”

    Al replies: “Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve.
    And I’ve come to understand that now.”

    God thinks for a second and says: “Very good. Come and sit at my left.”

    God then addresses Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?”

    Bill replies: “I believe in forgiveness.
    I’ve sinned, but I’ve never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.” ;

    God thinks for a second and says: “You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.”

    Then God addresses Barack. “Barack, what do you believe in?”

    He replies: “I believe you’re in my chair.”

    Over & Out,


  6. 6 FUJI Jul 8th, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Jeff you have ruined my whole day with your jokes.

    I’am laughing so hard I can’t get any thing done.

  7. 7 FUJI Jul 8th, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    I heard that since MJ is 90% plastic, they’re going to melt him down into legos so little kids can play with him for a change……

  8. 8 Jeff Nicklus Jul 8th, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Here you go Fuji …. one last one then I have to go finish welding the frame of the bike I will be riding in Sturgis.

    Will I Live to see 80?

    Here’s something to think about.

    I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (I just turned 50.)

    A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’

    He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?’

    ‘Oh no,’ I replied.. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’

    Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

    ‘I said, ‘Not much… my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’

    ‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’

    ‘No, I don’t,’ I said.

    He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’

    ‘No,’ I said.

    He looked at me and said,… ‘Then, why do you even give a shit?

    Over & Out,


  9. 9 Jeff Nicklus Jul 8th, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    President Obama has just announced that he has a new plan to simplify the tax code.

    From now on only the Republicans will have to have to pay any taxes.

    Over & Out,


  10. 10 Jim C Jul 9th, 2009 at 7:28 am


  11. 11 Jeff Nicklus Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:17 am

    A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Hispanic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Irish home. After a few weeks in the Irish facility, they came to visit grandpa.

    “How do you like it here?” asks the grandson.

    “It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful,” says grandpa.

    “We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.”

    “Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here,” grandpa says with a big smile.

    “There’s a musician here — he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!”

    “There is a judge in here — he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him ‘Your Honor’!”

    “And there’s a physician here — 90 years old. He hasn’t been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doctor’!”

    “And me — I haven’t had sex for 35 years and they still call me ‘The Fucking Mexican’!

    Over & Out,


  12. 12 Jeff Nicklus Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:21 am

    Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge
    in Bozeman, Montana, while waiting for their flights…

    One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East .

    Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

    The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

    Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, ‘At one time here… my people were many… but sadly, now we are few.’

    The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward,
    ‘Once my people were few,’ he sneers, ‘and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?’

    The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . .

    ‘I reckon that’s ’cause we ain’t played Cowboys and Muslims yet, But I do believe it’s a-comin”.

    Over & Out,


  13. 13 Toby Miller Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Thanks for the laughs guys. I’ll be back again next week for the joke of the week.

  14. 14 Jeff Nicklus Jul 13th, 2009 at 7:04 pm


    The case involved a 73 Year old Black man being in the court to answer the complaint by a 19 yr. old Black female seeking child support.

    Attorney: Your honor my client has raised this child by herself with no help from the defendant in the 5 years this child has been on this earth.

    Judge: FIVE YEARS. How old are you young lady?
    Girl: 19, sir

    Judge: Well then are you telling me you were 14 when you had this child.
    Girl: Yes sir.

    Judge: Willie (Defendant) do you know that you have committed a felony crime punishable by up to 25 years in Prison. You have committed statutory rape.

    Defendant: I ain’t raped that girl Judge. She wanted to. Ask her, she wants to right now.

    Judge: Willie it makes no difference, she was only 13 years old when you laid with this child. THAT IS STATUTORY RAPE. I am now gonna have to bind this over to the Grand Jury and inform the District Attorney.

    Defendant: No, your honor!! When did you white folks come up with that law?

    Judge: It has been a law for quite some time.

    Defendant: Well, Judge ya’ll needs to tell us nigga’s bout these new laws. I been fucking under the old rules.

    True transcript from Hinds County Chancery Court. Hon. Charles A. Brewer, presiding

    Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction!

    Over & Out,


  15. 15 Mike Greenwald Jul 21st, 2009 at 10:48 am

    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

    The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

    “She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

    “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

    The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

    “I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

  16. 16 Big Bonie Aug 18th, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    Hey Nicklus, everyone here knows your an uneducated bigot and a loudmouth….why do you continue to stick around? This is a forum for men, not boys.

  17. 17 Big Bonie Aug 18th, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Read this if you know how.

    Rules Governing User Content.
    Do not provide User Content containing expressions of bigotry, racism or hate;

    Do not provide User Content encouraging conduct that may constitute or contribute to a criminal offense, give rise to civil liability or violate any national, state or local law, regulation or authority;
    Do not impersonate another person, or permit any other person or entity to use your identification to post or view User Content;
    Do not provide User Content that infringes on the copyright, trademark, patent, trade secret or other intellectual property rights of others

  18. 18 Houston - No Problem Nov 17th, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Big Bonie, even though you may, or may not, be a bigot and a loudmouth, you’re at least uneducated. You should have written, “everyone here knows you’re an uneducated…” – not “your an uneducated..”
    Do you know the difference in YOUR and YOU’RE?
    Thanks and have a nice day.

  19. 19 Rick Nov 5th, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Don’t listen to that jackass, Jeff. Keep em coming. They make my day, man.

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