Joke Of The Week. Italian Boy’s Confession

confessional[1]“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl. The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”  “Yes, Father, it is”. “And who was the girl you were with?”. “I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation”. “Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name  sooner or later, so you may  as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?” ‘I cannot say. “Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”. “I’ll never tell”. “Was it Nina Capelli?”. ‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her. “Was it Cathy Piriano?””‘My lips are sealed”. “Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”. “Please, Father, I cannot tell you”.  

The priest sighs in  frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself”. Joey walks back to his pew and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”. “Four months vacation and five good leads”

Zipper's

16 Responses to “Joke Of The Week. Italian Boy’s Confession”


  1. 1 Troy Oct 9th, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Harley Davidson is now making condoms…
    There is a logo on the end…
    It says…
    ” If you can read this… the bitch fell off “

  2. 2 fuji Oct 9th, 2009 at 11:02 am

    When you’re from the country you look at things a little differently…..

    A farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at
    the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

    “Is your Dad home?” the rancher asked.

    “No sir, he isn’t,” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

    “Well,” said the rancher, “Is your Mother here?” “No sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

    “How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?” “No sir, he went with Mom and Dad.”

    The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

    “Is there anything I can do for you?” the boy asked politely. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one.
    Or maybe I could take a message for Dad.”

    “Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted totalk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”

    The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to Pa about that, ” he finally conceded. ”

    If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Howard.”

  3. 3 tchavey Oct 12th, 2009 at 8:59 am

    Morally corrupt joke. Unprofessional.

  4. 4 Jeff Nicklus Oct 12th, 2009 at 9:30 am

    One day a fourth grade teacher asked the children what their fathers
    did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic,
    businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

    However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when
    the teacher prodded him about his father, he finally replied,
    ‘Okay…my father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all
    his clothes in front of other men and they stuff money in his thong
    pouch. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with
    some guy and stay with him all night for money.’

    The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
    other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin
    aside to ask him, ‘Is that really true about your father?’

    ‘No’, the boy said, ‘He actually works for the Democratic National
    Committee and helped get Barack Obama elected President last year, but
    I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class…”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  5. 5 A 1 cycles Oct 12th, 2009 at 10:14 am

    good one jeff…my son said the same thing about me..lol. (joking)

  6. 6 Jeff Nicklus Oct 12th, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    BREAKING NEWS:

    This just in…!!!

    Obama wins the Heisman Trophy after watching a college football game…!!!

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  7. 7 FUJI Oct 12th, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. The Madame Speaker and The Pope, however, have seen it all before. To make it a little more interesting, Madame Speaker says to the Pope, “Did You know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?” He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

    The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do…”That was impressive,” the Pope says, “But, did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make many
    people in the crowd, and many around the world, go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.” The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. “One little wave of your hand and so many people will rejoice forever? Show me.”

    So the Pope slapped her.

  8. 8 Jeff Nicklus Oct 13th, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Little Johnny meets Barack Obama

    Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a tragedy

    One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field
    and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.’

    No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’

    A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone
    inside, that would be a tragedy.

    I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call a great loss.’

    The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. ‘Isn’t there
    someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’

    Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said:
    ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’

    ‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?’

    ‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.’

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  9. 9 Jeff Nicklus Oct 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am

    A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called – and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

    The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.

    The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

    Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

    1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

    2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

    3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

    4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

    5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

    Which clearly demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  10. 10 Shattered Image Oct 13th, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. Oh, I really liked it, she said, but i just couldn’t understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents. Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean? The blond girlfriend replied, all they kept screaming was: “Get the quarter back! Get the quearter back?

  11. 11 Jeff Nicklus Oct 14th, 2009 at 9:38 am

    A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog
    were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a
    deserted island.

    After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the
    beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red
    with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance..

    As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he
    leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of
    the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that,
    the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

    A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

    The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi .

    That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful
    evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze – perfect for a night of romance.
    Pretty soon, the man started to get ‘those feelings’ again.. He fought the urges as long as he
    could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn’t had sex for
    months. Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

    He said, ‘Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  12. 12 Jeff Nicklus Oct 14th, 2009 at 10:23 am

    A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush’s home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

    As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, “Y’all havin’ some problem with them circle flies?”

    Obama stopped talking and said, “Well, yes, if that’s what they’re called, but I’ve never heard of circle flies.”

    “Well, sir,” the cowboy replies, “Circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”

    “Oh,” Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, “Are you calling me a horse’s ass?”

    “No, sir,” the cowboy replies, “I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse’s ass.”

    “That’s a good thing,” Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

    After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, “Hard to fool them flies, though.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  13. 13 Jeff Nicklus Oct 14th, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    The Ant and the Grasshopper …

    OLD VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

    The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    MODERN VERSION:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

    CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

    How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

    Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’

    Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry, Barney Frank exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

    Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

    The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

    The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

    The ant has disappeared in the snow.

    The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  14. 14 just my opinion Oct 16th, 2009 at 7:01 am

    Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’

    Was he from Texas? LOL

  15. 15 yomoma Jun 5th, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Hey Jeff, your joke about the ant & the grasshopper, sounds exactly like what the Israelis are doing to the Palestinians. Ha-ha I got a millon of ’em!

  16. 16 burnout Jun 5th, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    ……………………….. so the Nun says” I’ll take the banana!” peace

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