1. All liquids and gels (including eye drops, zit cream, hemorrhoid suppositories, scabies lotion, and all other embarrassing ointments) must be in containers no bigger than a bottle cap and placed in one of our see-through bags for all the world to see.
2. Passengers must remove shoes before entering. Passengers who do not wear shoes because shoes offend their extreme Jihadist principles may proceed as they are. 3. All keys, chains, watches, pointy things, and oblong ballistic metal objects must be placed in the same plastic containers that everyone’s been putting their shoes in. No worry, you can pick them up on the other side. 4. Report any suspicious or unattended packages to authorities. But please don’t waste our time with “ticking” or “vibrating” packages. Most of the times, that’s just a cellphone or whatever. More funny tees at Headlines Tee-Shirts.