Joke Of The Week

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.  She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.  She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.  Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?!” she asked. “I’m waiting for Mike to come home from work,” the daughter-in- law answered. “But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed. “This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained. “Love dress? But you’re naked!” “Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress,” she explained.” It excites him to no end.  Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end.  He can’t get enough of me.”

The mother-in-law left.  When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home.  He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. “What are you doing?” he asked. “This is my love dress,” she whispered sensually. “Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for dinner? He never heard the gunshot… (sent by Troy)

Zipper's

9 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 Jeff Nicklus Jul 28th, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Troy,

    Good to see you recovered from your wounds!

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  2. 2 fuji Jul 28th, 2010 at 10:39 am

    The Buttocks
    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the
    Man’s face was severely burned.

    The doctor told the Husband that they

    couldn’t graft any skin from his body

    Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate

    Some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body

    That the doctor felt was suitable would have to come

    from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they

    would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they

    requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After

    All, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was

    completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face.

    He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his

    Friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

    One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was

    overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, ‘Dear,

    I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.

    How can I possibly repay you?’

    ‘My darling,’ she replied,

    ‘I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother

    kiss you on the cheek.’

  3. 3 Jeff Nicklus Jul 28th, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    The Lone Ranger’s Last Request

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and capturedby an enemy Indian War Party.

    The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger”

    “In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days.”

    “Before I kill you, I grant you three requests”

    “What is your FIRST request?”

    The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

    The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

    Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

    The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. “You have a very fine and loyal horse”,

    “But I will still kill you in two days.”

    “What is your SECOND request ?”

    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear.

    As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

    Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

    She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

    The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. “You are indeed a man of many talents,”

    “But I will still kill you tomorrow.”

    “What is your LAST request?”

    The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse, …. alone.”

    The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.

    Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully!!!!

    FOR…. THE… LAST…. TIME…

    I SAID …. “BRING POSSE”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  4. 4 jatinder pal Jul 29th, 2010 at 1:34 am

    This is good…

  5. 5 Jeff Nicklus Jul 29th, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Clean Hair…

    Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.

    After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

    The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks, “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

    The woman replies, “It’s Keith. The midget.”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  6. 6 Carmen In Texas Jul 29th, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    All of those are funny! Thanks all!!!!

  7. 7 fuji Jul 29th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

    Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’

    With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

    Dear Dad:

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

    I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

    But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’ s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.

    Stacy said that we will be very happy.

    She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.
    We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

    In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

    Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

    Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Love, Your Son JEFF

    PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house.

    I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That’s in my center desk drawer.
    I love you.
    Call me when it’s safe to come home.

    .

  8. 8 martin Jul 29th, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    That was excellent!

  9. 9 nicker Aug 4th, 2010 at 1:28 am

    A teacher asks the class to name things that end with ‘tor’ that eats things.

    The first little boy says, “Alligator.”
    “Very good, that ends in tor.”

    The second boy says, “Predator.”
    “Yes, that’s another word that ends in tor. Well done.”

    Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.” After nearly falling off her chair, she says,
    “That is a word that ends in tor, but it doesn’t eat anything.”

    “Well my sister has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like
    there’s no tomorrow!”

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