Joke Of The Week. The Lie Detector.

John  was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual  gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get  him to change…One day John came home with  another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

“Where have you been? Why are you over 2  hours late getting home?” asked John. “Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,”  said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and  slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his  chair.

“Son,” said John, “this robot is a lie  detector, now tell us where you really were after  school.” “We went to Bobby’s house and watched a  movie.” said Tommy. “What did you watch?” asked  Marsha. “The Ten Commandments.” answered  Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once  again slapped him, knocking him off his  chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat  down and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape  called Sex Queen.”

“I am ashamed of you son,”  said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.” The robot walked around to John and  delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his  chair…Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You  can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your  son!” The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair (sent by Mike Chadwick)

7 Responses to “Joke Of The Week. The Lie Detector.”

  1. 1 fuji Aug 10th, 2010 at 9:51 am

    The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

    Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

    One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

    ‘Tell me Susie, who created the universe?’

    When Susie didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

    ‘God Almighty!’ shouted Susie.

    The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class..

    A little later the Nun asked Susie, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’

    But Susie didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

    ‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted Susie.

    And the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,’ and Susie fell back asleep.

    The Nun asked her a third question…’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’

    Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’

    The nun fainted.

  2. 2 103Nightrain Aug 10th, 2010 at 11:11 am

    This Beutiful Girl is walking by a construction site, and one of the guys yells at her


    And the Beutiful blond replys to the worker



  3. 3 fuji Aug 11th, 2010 at 7:21 am

    This morning on the Interstate,

    I looked over to my left and there was a woman In a brand new Cadillac

    Doing 65 mph,

    With her Face up next to her rear view mirror

    Putting on her eyeliner.

    I looked away, For a couple seconds…to continue shaving.

    When I looked back she was Halfway over in my lane,

    Still working on that makeup.

    As a man, I don’t scare easily.

    But she scared me so much;

    I dropped my electric shaver

    Which knocked the donut

    Out of my other hand.

    In all The confusion of trying to straighten out the car

    Using my knees against the steering wheel,

    It knocked my Cell phone away from my ear

    Which fell into the coffee

    Between my legs!

    Splashed, and burned Big Jim and the boys

    Ruined the damn phone,

    Soaked my trousers,

    And disconnected an Important call.


  4. 4 Doug Aug 12th, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Best Joke Ever!

    Two women were sitting next to each other, minding their own business, not saying a word.

  5. 5 Waitaminute... Aug 12th, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly
    the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
    ‘Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
    one wish.’

    The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
    anytime I want.’

    The Lord said, ‘Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
    challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the
    bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
    nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me
    to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think
    of something that could possibly help mankind.’

    The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, ‘Lord, I wish
    that I and all men could understand women. I want to know how she feels
    inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she
    cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and
    complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.’


  6. 6 Waitaminute... Aug 12th, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse

  7. 7 B'COOL Aug 12th, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Before the wedding Hillary asked Chelsea “Have you had sex with Mark?
    Chelsea replied “Not according to Dad!”
    Hillary didn’t ask anymore questions.

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Cyril Huze