Joke Of The Week

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.
 
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?” she guessed. “No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, ” Champagne?” “No,” said the little boy…………..”It’s a puppy!” (sent by Troy at Accutronix)

Zipper's

6 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 fuji Oct 28th, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Strip Joint

    Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other. A woman comes on stage and starts stripping.
    The guy in back, Paul, says, “Oh yeah, Oh yeah!”

    Then the first guy turns around and says, ” Hey Paul, shut up!”

    Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts, “Yeah baby..mmmm….yeah!”

    Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet. So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

    The guy in front says, “Hey Paul, where’s all your excitement now?”

    Paul says, “All over your back!”

  2. 2 martin Oct 29th, 2010 at 7:10 am

    That was funny!

  3. 3 Jeff Nicklus Nov 1st, 2010 at 9:29 am

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.

    She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring.

    He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’

    She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’

    ‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’

    She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that:

    #1, you have to be single and
    #2, you must be Catholic.’

    The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’

    ‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’

    The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    ‘My dear child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’

    ‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.’

    The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party’….

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  4. 4 Wiz Nov 2nd, 2010 at 5:19 am

    In response to the joke about “it’s all over your back”. Many years ago my brother when he was in the service in San Dieago with some buddies got drunk and bought jars of mayonaise and plastic spoons an’ sat in the back row of a X-rated movie theater flicking dabs of mayo to the front rows. Guys gittin’ hit in the head turning around to the guy in back of ’em tearin’ ’em a new ass! Now that’s just plain good fun! Wiz

  5. 5 Jeff Nicklus Nov 3rd, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

    1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.

    2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

    3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

    5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES….THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE ~ WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

    7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

    DAILY THOUGHT:

    SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES – NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  6. 6 Rick Nov 10th, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
    Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.
    “Hi there little girl, I’m President Obama. What do you have in the basket?” he asked.
    “Kittens,” little Suzy said.
    “How old are they?” asked Obama.
    Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
    “And what kind of kittens are they?”
    “Democrats,” answered Suzy with a smile.
    Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
    Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the president should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
    So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.
    Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
    “Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”
    “Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They’re Republicans.”
    Taken by surprise, the president stammered, “But… but… yesterday, you told me they were DEMOCRATS.”
    Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”

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