Joke Of The Week. How To Really Stimulate The US Economy.

Sometime in 2011, US taxpayers will again receive another “Economic Stimulus” via a tax break. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an “Economic Stimulus” payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China? A. Shut up. After the jump, some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by  spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart,  the money will  go to China or Sri Lanka . If you spend it on gasoline,  your money will go to  the Arab world. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea. If  you purchase useless stuff,  it will go to Taiwan. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stocks, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead,  keep the money in America by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to ball games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) On beer or 5) On tattoos. These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day! (from anonymous)
Zipper's

8 Responses to “Joke Of The Week. How To Really Stimulate The US Economy.”


  1. 1 Darin Maltsberger - Instructor @MTI Jan 7th, 2011 at 9:02 am

    So close to the truth that it’s scary. Anheiser Busch and Coors are both foriegn owned. Whenever possible, I Drink Grain Belt. Still made in Minnesota by Americans. Thanks for the laugh.
    -Darin

  2. 2 fuji Jan 7th, 2011 at 9:06 am

    NO SEX SINCE 1955

    A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

    “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?”

    “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature..”

    The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

    “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

    The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

    The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?”

    “1955, ma’am.”

    “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean, no sex since 1955! Come with me.” She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.

    Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”

    The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 21.30 now.”

  3. 3 CHOPMONSTER66 Jan 7th, 2011 at 9:49 am

    hay, you can also buy some american made motor cycle parts from a small shop that is trying to feed his family , or even a new paint job from a local paint shop. wild turkey , jack dainles , jim beam still american owned and operated also.. what ever you spend it on just make sure it is american.. peace out !!

  4. 4 Larry R Jan 7th, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Great jokes!!! Buy American when possible.

  5. 5 Carla Jan 7th, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Can’t even buy our kids a toy with the proceeds going to our own economy, sucks very hard.

  6. 6 Cobb Jan 7th, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Its almost impossible to buy a true American made product these days

  7. 7 Black Bike Week Jan 13th, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    LMAO.

    if you purchase worthless it goes to Taiwan LMAO.

    Good joke

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