Facing reality….
A biker was walking around Willie’s Tattoo during Bike Week in Daytona and stumbled over a lamp. When he opened the lamp a genie came out of it and said: “Hi, I’m the one-desire genie; tell me what you want.” “Well, I want peace in the Middle East… look at this map: I want all these countries living in peace.”
The genie had a look to the map and said: “Mate, I think you should face reality. These countries have been fighting for more than 5000 years and to be honest I’m not that good. I think you better ask for something else.”
“OK, I never found my dream woman, you know. I’d like a woman who has a good sense of humor, who likes sex, cleans the house, washes and irons, who doesn’t talk too much, likes beer, is pretty, young and buxom, loves riding on my old Shovel hardtail and doesn’t mind. I’m a poor biker.” The genie took a deep breath and said: “Show me that map again”……
hee hee funny!
Fredp was 8 yrs old. His dad comes home, Freddie meets him at the door and says “Dad I want a mini bike!” Dad says ” Son I have two mortgages, work two jobs and you are not getting a mini bike!” Every day Freddie met his dad at the door and asked for a mini bike. After two weeks of this Dad comes home on a Friday evening and Freddie has his bags packed at the door. Dad says “Son what are you doing?” Freddie replies “You KNOW I have been asking for a mini bike right?” Dad says how can I forget, why are your bags packed? Freddie says ” Last night I walked past your bedroom door and heard you say “I”m pulling out” followed by Mom saying ” Hold on I’m coming to” and you are NOT leaving me here with TWO mortgages and NO way to ride!!!!!” peace
What did Osama Bin Laden teach Gaddafi ?
How to take one to the head !
Burnout!! Now, EVERYONE knows why I DID get stuck with 2 mortages and no way to ride. (Hmmm funny, Now that I think about it, Titan did the same thing to me!! 2 mortgages, no job, and no ride! ( well, can’t count the Ducati!!)
Two guys in a bar
Two men are in a bar when one of the men turns to the other and asks,
“Tell me, why do you keep pouring beer into your hand?”
The other man replies,
“I’m getting my date drunk.”
The Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
However, One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say: POLISH REMOVER
Boss Hawg
Good one boss
Hahaha, yea, you the Man Boss.
Hilarious…..
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard–I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.
Over & Out,
Jeff
A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe’ and placed his order. He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.’
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, ‘This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards…. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?’
‘No,’ the cook said. ‘Three flat tires … mean three pancakes; a pair of
headlights… is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards… Are 2 slices of crisp bacon !
‘Oh… OK!’ said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, ‘What are the beans for, Blondie?’
‘She replied, ‘I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,
headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!
Obama was having a private chat with the Queen and was discussing
with her the need for America to have an hereditary leader.
He proposed that he could become Emperor Obama, but the Queen
advised against this as he would need an Empire.
“How about a Prince then”? asks Obama. “No you would need a
principality for that” says the Queen.
“What about a Duke”?, again a negative answer in that he would
need a Duchy.
“Personally I think you should be happy with a country” says the Queen
finally.
Obama goes on a State visit to Israel . While he is on a tour of
Jerusalem , he has a fatal heart attack.
The undertakers tells the US diplomats: “You can have him
shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100.”
The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the
undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks: “Why would you spend $1
million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this
religious country and you would only spend $100?”
One diplomat replied: “More than 2000 years ago a man died here,
was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply
can’t take that risk”.
A fresh college grad is moving into his first apartment, as he is placing his name on the mailbox, the door nearest him opens and out steps the hottest, sexiest woman he has ever seen. She is a raven haired beauty with a body built for speed. as she strikes up the conversation she sees him sweating and decides to turn up the heat by allowing the skimpy robe she’s wearing open a bit, revealing a perfect cleavage. As they make small talk she says “I think I hear someone coming, quick, come inside’. They step into her apartment. Now with the privacy complete, she drops the skimpy robe to the floor, completely nude, she says,”so college boy, what do think my best quality is? Isit my lush full lips? Is it my perfectly shaped breasts? Is it my hard round ass?” The college grad says,”Lady, I’m pretty sure your best feature is your ears!” “My ears!??” she says, “How can you say that, look at this face, these great breasts, this perfect round ass, how can you possibly say it’s my ears??” The college kid says sheepishly ” because out there in the hallway, when you said you heard someone coming, it was me!!”