Four bikers are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timer’s Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.” They look at each other and then go in thinking this is too good to be true. The bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?” There’s a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a shot of Jack. In no time the bartender serves up four shots and says, “That’ll be 10 cents each, please.”
The four bikers stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, down their shots, and order another round. This time they order four beers, with the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 cents, please.” They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They’ve each had a shot and a beer and haven’t even spent a dollar between them.
Finally one of them says, “How can you afford to serve drinks for a dime a piece?” “I’m a retired tailor from Phoenix ,” the bartender says, “and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer—it’s all the same.” “Wow! That’s some story!” one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their beers, they can’t help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don’t have any drinks in front of them and haven’t ordered anything the whole time they’ve been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the bikers asks the bartender, “What’s with them?” The bartender says, “They’re retired people from Florida . They’re waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price.”
On a very hot summer day, a woman notices a neighbor lady struggling in the heat to mow the lawn while her husband sits on the porch in the shade drinking a nice cold beer. She becomes furious and heads over and confronts the man. “You inconsiderate bastard, you should be hung” The man replies, “I am, that’s why she’s mowing the grass!”
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desperate that he went to her and said, “I’ll give you a $100 if you’ll let me have sex with you.”
The girl looked at him shocked and said “Hell no!”
He said “I’ll be real quick-I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend over to get it, and I’ll be finished by the time you’ve picked it up!”
She thought for a moment and told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, “Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, and he won’t even be able to get his pants down! She agreed and accepts the proposal.
30 minutes go by and the boyfriend is still waitin for his girlfriend’s call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks, “What the %uck happened?”
Still breathing hard she managed to reply, “That bastard had all QUARTERS!!!!”
Over & Out,
Jeff
A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs viagra.
The mom asks why on earth do you need that?
The little boy replies “isnt that what you give Dad when his crap wont get hard ?”
Over & Out,
Jeff
*After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the UK’s National Health Service, a guy decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are more gentle and accommodating.
*
*He lay naked on his side on the bed, and the nurse began the examination.
*
*”Don’t worry, at this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection,” said the nurse.
*
*”I haven’t got an erection,” said the man.
*
*”No, but I have,” replied the nurse.*
Car for women
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the “Clitaurus.”
It comes in pink, and the average male thief won’t be able to find it, even if someone tells him where…ark ark ark.
Boss Hawg
I live in Florida and I took offense about that joke with the 10 cent drinks, but hey, where was this bar and were that really only 5 cents at happy hour?
Quickies……..
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home safely.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”
-nicker-
A good ole Arkansas boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What the hell you gonna do with that. There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 75 miles of here.
He says, “I won it and I’m a gonna keep it.”
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is. She says, “He’s out there in his bass boat”, pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yells out to him, “What the hell are you doing?”
His brother replies “I’m fishin. What the hell does it look like I’m a doing.”
His brother yells back, “It’s people like you that give people from Arkansas a bad name, making everybody think we are stupid. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick your ass.”
Over & Out,
Jeff
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spot a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”
Over & Out,
Jeff
Why Italians pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying.
He calls his grandson to his bedside.. ” Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man…
“Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘Time’s Up’?”
-nicker-