Joke Of The Week

As I was driving home this week worrying about all the crap going on in Washington, and at how my life was falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said: NEED HELP? CALL JESUS. 1-800-005-3787 

Out of curiosity and desperation, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower… (sent by Troy)

Zipper's

14 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 TodT Oct 14th, 2011 at 9:04 am

    I like it….

  2. 2 CafeSportyTC Oct 14th, 2011 at 9:21 am

    i grew up in southern california … thats more reality than anything lol

  3. 3 KAOS Oct 14th, 2011 at 10:03 am

    When Jesus is busy i use Manual Labor. we all know him here in SoCal

  4. 4 fuji Oct 14th, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Little Johnny is walking by his parent’s bedroom when he hears a lot of noise.

    He opens the door and sees his dad with his mom bent over the dresser having sex.

    Dad looks at Little Johnny and smiles, gives him a wink and motions for Johnny to leave the room, so he does.

    A few minutes later dad is walking past Little Johnny’s bedroom and hears a noise.

    He opens the door to see Little Johnny with grandma bent over the dresser having sex.

    Little Johnny looks at dad and smiles, winks at him and says,

    “It’s not so funny when it’s YOUR MOMMA ! is it?”

    AKA FUJI

  5. 5 Kroeter Oct 14th, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Speaking of La La Land, did you hear Michael Jackson once stopped at a JCPenney store? He saw an ad that said “Boys Pants 1/2 off”

  6. 6 Jeff Nicklus Oct 14th, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny’s propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the
    entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.

    One little boy raises his hand, “I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.”

    “Very good, William,” cooed the teacher.

    “My mommy had a baby,” said little Esther.

    “Oh, that’s nice,” replied the teacher.

    Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.

    “I was watchin’ TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians and they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.”

    The teacher was relieved but puzzled, “And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?”

    “It’ll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger.”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  7. 7 Kyle Oct 14th, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    That was GREAT! I believe in in Jesus too. He’s coming over to do my yard next Saturday. I’m not kidding, he really is. (Hi Jeff)

  8. 8 Wiz Oct 15th, 2011 at 3:58 am

    Little Johnny is late for school one day. The teacher asks for an explaination. Johnny replies “My dog followed me to school, jumped over a picket fence ‘an it went right up his ASS!” The teacher corrects him by saying “That’s rectrum Johnny.” To which Johnny exclaims “RECTRUM HELL! DAMN near KILLED HIM!!! Yuk-Yuk!! Wiz

  9. 9 bern Oct 15th, 2011 at 11:34 am

    That had me in tears. Keep em coming….
    Bern…

  10. 10 Olive Oil Oct 15th, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
    asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side
    of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

    It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can
    we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”
    He says, “O.K., get in the car with it.”
    “Where shall I put it to get it warm?”

    He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.”
    But what about the smell?”
    “Just hold its little nose.”

    The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

  11. 11 Woody Oct 15th, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    A ventriloquist is going through his normal act, getting a rise out of some of the women with a string of “dumb blonde” jokes, Suddenly a blond from the audience shouts “I’ve heard enough of your stupid jokes, what does the color of a person’s hair have to do with their worth as a human being. It’s men like you that keep women like me getting their proper respect”.
    The red faces ventriloquist begins to apologise, but the blonde shouts out, “You stay out of this, I’m talking to that little turd on your knee”.

  12. 12 Olive Oil Oct 15th, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over
    a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
    The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag
    and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
    ”This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years
    old now.”
    ”Yes, I remember him as a baby.” says the other mother
    cheerfully.
    “He’s a martyr now though.” the mother confides.
    “Oh, so sad dear…” says the other.
    ”And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have
    been 21.”
    ”Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily, ”he had
    such curly hair when he was born.”
    ”He’s a martyr too…” says the mother quietly.
    ”Oh, gracious me…” says the other.
    ”And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
    He would have been 18 ”, she whispers.
    “Yes,” says the friend enthusiastically, ”I remember
    when he first started school…”
    ”He’s a martyr also,” says the mother, with tears in
    her eyes.
    After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim
    mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching
    for the right words, says . . .
    “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

  13. 13 Jeff Nicklus Oct 18th, 2011 at 10:06 am

    The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job; given her liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and her jobs as a social worker and school teacher.

    The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this:

    “Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?

    “Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Obama.”

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  14. 14 Jeff Nicklus Oct 18th, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    This is not a funny unless it applies to you on the receiving end ……

    Everyone needs a new word. Here it is, a sign of the times.

    Ineptocracy (in-ept-o-cra-cy) – a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

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