Joke Of The Week

A tired old biker and his bitchy old lady stop for beer at a 7-11 convenience store one hot August night on the way home. There’s a guy buying a paper from a machine in front of the store.

All of a sudden a robber comes running out of the  7-11 convenience store  with a gun and a bag of money. He goes to the guy at the paper machine and says ” Did you see me rob the store?” The man says “Yeah.” BOOM the robber shoots him in the head!

He then runs over to the old biker’s motorcycle and again says, “Did you see me rob the store and shoot that man?” The old biker says pointing at his bitchy old lady, ” No sir, but I reckon SHE did!” (sent by Dale Dutcher)

Zipper's

47 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 fuji Sep 20th, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Does any one know ” Frank Feldman ” was he on this sight.

    > A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

    >

    > He gets into the taxi, and the Cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.’

    >

    > Passenger: ‘Who?’

    >

    > Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman…He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.’

    >

    > Passenger : ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

    >

    > Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.’

    >

    > Passenger: ‘Sounds like he was something really special.’

    >

    > Cabbie: ‘There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.’

    >

    > Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

    >

    > Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’

    >

    > Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

    >

    > Cabbie: ‘Well…I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his frickin wife…’

    Hey Tex any Obama news in Houston.

    Fuji

  2. 2 Patrick Sep 20th, 2012 at 11:21 am

    No joke. Vote Obama.

  3. 3 CafeSportyTC Sep 20th, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Patrick…. yeah … no!

  4. 4 Iron Horse Sep 20th, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Patrick…YES JOKE and no frickin’ way!

  5. 5 nicker Sep 20th, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Patrick,

    Dude, are you Reality challenged……. ???

    -nicker-

  6. 6 Patrick Sep 20th, 2012 at 11:12 pm

    Reality in November. Obama elected with 53% against 47% Romney.

  7. 7 jim Sep 21st, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Patrick,
    Do some homework!!! Lets get an American in the White House. Hope is not a course of action and change is what America needs. This country cannot survive another four years of BO!!! 53% of America is extremely ignorant, according to your own numbers!!!
    Wake up and smell the coffee!
    Jim

  8. 8 jim Sep 21st, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Here is some more reality for you:

    http://www.infowars.com/dhs-purchases-200-million-more-rounds-of-ammunition/

    How scary is that!!!!!???

    Jim

  9. 9 calif phil Sep 21st, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Zero said himself if the economy isn’t better in 4 years I should be a one term president. I am going to help him reach his goal. He has got to go!

  10. 10 Prezley Sep 21st, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Exactly. The economy is not good but is better than when Obama arrived in 2008. Reason why a majority of Americans think he should go for a second term. Check the numbers. We lost jobs during the 4 years of Bush. Obama created jobs during his first term. I never received any help from the government but will vote Obama. Romney is a very poor republican candidate.

  11. 11 jim Sep 21st, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Many of the “jobs” BO created are superficial. Summer work programs for teens and that sort of thing don’t really count.

    Jim

  12. 12 izadore007 Sep 21st, 2012 at 9:12 am

    This President has done some amazing stuff. you all have to admit…………..He is the first non-American born to get Elected to the Highest most Important and most Powerful position in the whole World. and he was able to remove almost all of his past, in the age of the Internet and Computer driven Country (World). WTF? How did that happen. That is amazing Dude’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. 13 Prezley Sep 21st, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Izadore. How come Romney agrees that Obama is American.? You are prejudiced and can’t get to the idea than a black person can be extremely intelligent and competent and can be your president. Jim, under Bush there was no jobs for teens? Such a dumb statement. About 53% of Americans are more intelligent than both of you. You just believe all the republicans bs about almost everything. They just want their powerful jobs and don’t care about you. Romney already lost the election.

  14. 14 Maddpuppy Sep 21st, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Obama wants to dismantle Our military, he has to go !

  15. 15 Ken Glenn Sep 21st, 2012 at 10:10 am

    HMMM! I scroled down hoping for more jokes.

  16. 16 Brandon Sep 21st, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Obama doesn’t want to dismantle our military. He wants to reduce the budget. It’s not the same thing and he is right.

  17. 17 CafeSportyTC Sep 21st, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Ken , you should read the name Obama and bust up luaghing

  18. 18 burnout Sep 21st, 2012 at 11:19 am

    We are in trouble no matter which one wins. I am writing in Fred Proctor. peace

  19. 19 Jeff Nicklus Sep 21st, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    If Obama is re-elected in November The USA will have the healthiest, same sex married, illegal allien, UNEMPLOYED, people on earth! Now that is Change you can believe in …….. or not?????

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  20. 20 fuji Sep 21st, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Jeff Nicklus

    Damn Jeff I had to scroll thru the above Diarrhea just to get some good Obama humor

    Thanks
    Fuji

    Looks like cyril needs to have more on Obama

  21. 21 Knucklehead Sep 21st, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    I’m thinking I’ll vote for Larry the Cable Guy.

  22. 22 Chris Sep 21st, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    We’re all doomed, regardless of who gets elected. Now how about some jokes! C’mon, we click on the joke of the week for laughs; I can get all of the other depressing nonsense from every other news source. Jokes! Jokes! Jokes!

  23. 23 Boss Hawg Sep 22nd, 2012 at 12:57 am

    Oral….A man is at the dentist’s for a check-up.

    As the dentist leans over, he asks, “Well… So you had oral sex this morning?”

    “How did you know?” asks the man, embarrassed but also amazed at his dentist’s perception. “Was it the smell on my breath?” “No” says the dentist.

    “Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in my teeth?” asks the man. “No” says the dentist.

    “Well, what then? How did you know?” asks the man, losing patience. The dentist says “There’s a little bit of shit on your chin.”

    Boss Hawg

  24. 24 Boss Hawg Sep 22nd, 2012 at 1:00 am

    PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous:

    1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

    3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

    6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left..

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    12. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    19. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

    20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    21. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

    22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    24. I am neither for nor against apathy.

    25. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

    26. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    27. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    28. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

    29. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

    30. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

    31. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

    32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

    33. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

    34. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

    Boss Hawg

  25. 25 Boss Hawg Sep 22nd, 2012 at 1:02 am

    Problem….This guy visits the doctors and says, “Doc, I think I’ve got a sex problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.”

    The doctor says, “Come back tomorrow and bring her with you.”

    The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, “Take off your clothes and lie on the table.” She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, “You’re fine. She doesn’t give me a hard-on, either.”

    Boss Hawg

  26. 26 Woody Sep 22nd, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    I’m amazed folks are still giving him a pass after 4 years. The economy is better? Guess that depends on the spin. Even a house that was on fire 4 years ago probably is “burning less” now….

  27. 27 Vodoo Sep 22nd, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Many, many years (since Reagan) that the Republican party has lost its soul. Less and less people recognize themselves in this bunch of rich politicians supported by rich people and big companies to help themselves and their friends get richer. They have no compassion for others, repeat lies after lies to scare people and have only one definition of success: being rich! Bunch of Assholes. Vote Obama.

  28. 28 Sam Sep 22nd, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Alrighty then, let’s talk religion next.

  29. 29 fuji Sep 22nd, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Good stuff BOSS

  30. 30 willie Sep 24th, 2012 at 7:30 am

    no joke.

  31. 31 Evo Al Sep 24th, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Wow, what usually is a great string of jokes turned into political BS with one little coment.
    Keep it funny and post your OB BS some place else.

    One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
    Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him
    why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last
    year!”

    And that’s how the fight started…..

    ************************************************************************

    My wife walked into the den & asked “What’s on the TV?”

    I replied “Dust”.

    And that’s how the fight started…..

    ************************************************************************

    A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel
    horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
    compliment.’

    The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

    And that’s how the fight started…..

    ************************************************************************

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
    anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200
    in about 3 seconds.

    I bought her a scale.

    And that’s how the fight started…..

  32. 32 Miltrane Sep 24th, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    It’s not that we picked a black man for president… we picked the wrong black man.

  33. 33 Clyde L. Hale Sep 24th, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    No matter what anybody thinks about Obama, he is damn good at his job !! After all, isn’t the DEVIL damn good at his ?? Let’s get rid of that Obamanation !!! He does not salute the American flag with his right hand over his chest – he uses his left !! He tells store owners and company owners that they did NOTHING to build their businesses, it was the people that used their business that built it. WHO worked their asses off to get their businesses going in the first place ? Many young people think it is “COOL” to have a black prez. – they will learn to regret it before long, along with the rest of that 53% !!! If any other politician had covered up their true birth certificate, where they were born, etc., they would have been flayed in a public square !!! How does this Obama prez. do it ? The DEVIL gets away with whatever he wishes to. Remember – an OBAMANATION !!!! It isn’t because he is black, it’s because it is him.

  34. 34 Chris Sep 24th, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Clyde, though you try to disguise your ignorance and racism with your last comment, your previous statements exposed you for what you are. That’s not a joke. Now skip the politics and get to the jokes. I can never remember jokes, so I won’t even bother plagiarizing somebody else’s from the internet.

  35. 35 rebel Sep 24th, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Romney, better than nOthing
    B
    A
    M
    O

  36. 36 CafeSportyTC Sep 24th, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    chris , yes, because anyone who critisizes the president is a ignorant racist… your a tool!

  37. 37 Patrick Sep 24th, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Clyde L. Hale. Your statements about Obama (flag, business owners) are 100% false. You read this in a chain letter email sent by supremacists? You know, the ones prejudiced. You should change your source of information. Your IQ is very low. Obama for President again.

  38. 38 nicker Sep 25th, 2012 at 12:03 am

    The real “joke” is that there are people who represent themselves as the very essence of American rugged individualism (the American “bikers”), yet they fawn over the icon of Cradle-to-grave Nanny-state-government who promises to “fundamentally change America” into a European Socialist shit-hole.

    OhBummer “Hope & Change” started with your scooter fuel, which he has managed to “change” from $1.86/gal to $4/gal in 4 years.

    And with the Help of the EPA he “Hopes” to mandate a …..”minim 4 gal fuel purchase”….. to counteract any negative effects of his E15 fuel residual in the blender gas pump hoses.

    Turns out the “joke” is on you …………. and your stupidity is making the rest of us pay for it………. 🙁

    -nicker-

  39. 39 nicker Sep 25th, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park
    every day to feed the pigeons, watch the
    squirrels, and discuss world problems.
    One day Russ didn’t show up.
    Sam didn’t think much about it, and figured
    maybe he had a cold or something.
    But after Russ hadn’t shown up for a week
    or so, Sam really got worried.
    However, since the only time they ever got
    together was at the park, Sam didn’t know
    where Russ lived, so he was unable to find
    out what had happened to him.
    A month had passed, and Sam figured
    he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
    Sam approached the park and lo and behold,
    there sat Russ!
    Sam was very excited and happy to see him,
    and told him so.
    Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Russ,
    what in the world happened to you?’
    Russ replied, ‘I have been in jail.’
    ‘Jail!’ cried Sam.
    What in the world for?’
    ‘Well,’ Russ said, ‘you know Sue,
    that cute little blonde waitress at the
    coffee shop, where I sometimes go?’

    ‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her.
    What about her?
    ‘Well, one day she filed rape charges
    against me, and at 89 years old, I was
    so proud that when I got into court,
    I pleaded ‘guilty.’
    ‘The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’

  40. 40 Jesse Trez Sep 25th, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Nicker. Bunch of lies. Obama wants to dissolve EPA. Price of gas has nothing to do with our President policies. It has doubled in most countries and it’s still in the US the cheapest gas in the western world. No, 47% of Americans don’t receive assistance, except if like hypocrite Romney you pretend that people should not receive social security, medicare benefits that they paid for all their life. Only very ich people and rednecks who believe GOP lies are going to vote Romney. FYI, last poll. Obama 53% Romney 47%. Loser..

  41. 41 Chris Sep 25th, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    @cafesporty,

    because anybody who regurgitates falsehoods about photos posted on line in a reverse image and statements about people regretting voting for a black man because he is black is ignorant and racist.

  42. 42 nicker Sep 25th, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Jess T.

    RE:
    “…Price of gas has nothing to do with our President policies….”
    “…Obama wants to dissolve EPA….”

    Dude, is this is your idea of a “joke”……. ???

    Look, this is all very simple (if ya pay just a little attention):

    OhBummer said:
    “…Climate change is not a hoax. More droughts and floods and wildfires are not a joke…”
    He claims his energy plan will continue to reduce the carbon pollution that is causing global warming.

    “EPA Formally Declares CO2 a Dangerous Pollutant”
    blog.heritage.org/…/epa-formally-declares-co2…pollutant

    E.P.A. administrator, Lisa P. Jackson, said:
    “… greenhouse gas pollution is a serious problem now and for future generations. ….. President Obama calls for a low-carbon economy and strong leadership in Congress on clean energy and climate legislation….”
    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/18/science/earth/18endanger.html

    The Ulsterman Report:
    “Obama Openly Calls For Higher Gas Prices ”
    theulstermanreport.com/2012/03/02/obama-openly-calls-for

    And your telling me that OhBummer is going to eliminate the EPA and his policies don’t effect gas prices….. (???)

    Dude, what alternative reality are you living in….. ???

    -nicker-

  43. 43 Patrick Sep 26th, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Nicker. Thank you for your answer. It proves that you are manipulated by your republican shitty websites. Obama said he wants to remove the tax breaks that oil companies use. He never said he wants to increase
    the price of gas. It’s the republican dumb writer making this statement. Tax breaks have not been abolished and the price of gas has doubled everywhere in the world except in countries producing oil. Proof that what you say is false.

    Obama didn’t create EPA. It’s not because he is “green” that he supports the way EPA works. He said it publicly and would prefer to replace this agency by a new one focusing on new energies, not on stupid regulations against individuals and corporations.

    Your reply is typical of Republicans. Scaring & manipulating people. Like when they mirror an image of Obama saluting the flag and pretends that he is saluting the flag with his left hand. Like circulating on the net a fake birth certificate showing that Obama is born in Kenya, etc, etc. You will never catch a democrat using this kind of abject tactics. They work only with low IQ people. Fortunately 54% of the population is more intelligent than you. Sorry, Obama is going to be re-elected. And it may be by a landslide.

  44. 44 burnout Sep 26th, 2012 at 8:18 am

    ALL politicians have me fearing for my children’s children!! The ONLY thing most of em do successfully is pad their OWN pockets! Screwing the taxpayers is job 1! peace

  45. 45 Raymond Sep 26th, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Romney is the best November election joke.

  46. 46 nicker Sep 26th, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    Patrick,

    No need to thank me, i was simply responding to Jess.
    But i do appreciate that you didn’t say i was lying, but that i’m simply bring “manipulated.”

    Well, le-me suggest you go see the movie “2016 Obama the movie: Love Him, Hate Him, you don’t know him.”

    It’s a short film but i think it’ll fill you in on a bunch of stuff your missing.
    Then get back to me about “proof.”

    -nicker-

    -BTW- i’m way more Libertarian than Republican…………. 🙂

  47. 47 lugnut Sep 28th, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Love the weekly joke thing. And then, I come here for a little levity, and i find a Soros funded lackey has somehow found his way onto an actual motorcycle related site. I find this both troubling and fascinating, because these John Edward type faux men are usually so far removed from what actual men associate with, they never even imagine there are sites on guns, hunting, fishing, motorcycles, etc. It is not as if he has any chance of success in convincing us that this unqualified, pipeline hating, gas price increasing rube has any love for this country at all. Amazing.

    Keep the jokes coming. And Patrick, keep those kerosene soaked rags in your back pocket. They will keep the flies off your candy ass.

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