Joke Of The Week

One day in North Carolina: A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the shoulder of the paved road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the pickup truck and one behind it. Then he got back in the pickup truck to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.” The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?” The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.” (sent by Dale Dutcher)

7 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”

  1. 1 Olive Oil Oct 5th, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
    Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
    He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
    To everyone’s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.

    The bartender looked at the guy and said, “Did you see what your Monkey just did?”
    “No, what?”
    “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table…whole!”

    “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “he eats everything in sight, don’t worry, I’ll pay for the cue ball.”
    The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the Monkey ate and left.

    Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.

    Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it. The bartender asked, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
    “No, what?” replied the man.
    “Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!”

    “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy.
    “He will eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first.”

  2. 2 Olive Oil Oct 5th, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    A Canadian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an
    American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

    The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

    The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?’

    The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’

    The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside.
    The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to
    The American had a smirk on his face. The Canadian listened in silence.

    The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’ Sighing, the Canadian replied, ‘of course.’

    Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘we don’t. In the States,
    we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers,
    recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Canada ..

    The Canadian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’

    The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’ The Canadian leaned closer to him and asked,
    ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

    ‘We throw them away, of course!’

    Now it was the Canadians turn to smile.
    ‘We don’t. In Canada , we put them in a container, recycle them,
    melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States .
    Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’?

  3. 3 Olive Oil Oct 5th, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth.

    He spoke to his toes. “Hello toes.”, he said. “How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had! Remem ber how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday toes!”

    “Hello, knees.”, he continued. “How are you? You know you’re 92 today.. Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we’ve jumped together. Happy Birthday, knees.”

    Then, he looked down at his crotch. “Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you’d be 92..

  4. 4 burnout Oct 5th, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    I got nothin….just canadian jokes. Know why you don’t see Canadians on wheel-of-fortune? Because they try to buy an E EH! peace

  5. 5 Red Dog Oct 8th, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Canadian tourist to American waitress…Do you know the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?……………………………….A canoe tips……

  6. 6 Alan K Oct 8th, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Two women friends had gone for a girls’ night out.
    Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had been
    overly-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

    Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they popped into
    the cemetery.

    One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her
    panties and use them.
    Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did
    not want to ruin them.
    She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a
    ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

    After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

    The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his
    sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
    husband and said:
    “These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst My
    wife came home with no panties!!”

    “That’s nothing,” said the other husband,
    “Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that said……

    “From all of us at the Fire Station.
    We’ll never forget you! “

  7. 7 Woody Oct 8th, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    From one of my Canadian custmers;
    Bill; Whatcha got dere in the sack Bert?
    Bert: A case of Blue, I got it for my wife ya know.
    Bill: That’s a good trade, eh!

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Cyril Huze