A blonde city girl named Sue marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Sue, “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow’s stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”
The rancher leaves for the field, and after a while the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he says. Sue takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows, and when Sue sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one right here.”
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, “Tell me lady, because I’m dying to know, how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?” “That’s simple”, she confidently explains, “By the nail that’s over its stall”. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, please tell, is the nail for”? The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”
(It’s nice to see a blonde win once in a while.)
Little John boy was helping his mother fetch water down by the coral one morning when suddenly, a stud horse begins mounting a mare in the stall next to them.
Little Johnny asks his mother why the boy horse is trying to jump on the girl horses back? His mother being being caught off guard by the question….
Says……
Oh….It’s nothing!
Thinking fast, Johnny’s mother says…..
Go ask your father!
Little Johnny finished doing his chores and then went in search of his father.
He walked up to his dad and asked his why the boy horse was trying to get on the girl horses back and Mom says it’s nothing!
Well son, Your mom is just spoiled!
(end of joke…..Lame…I know! I couldn’t remember the original punch line, but there’s a joke it there somewhere!)
The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards President Obama and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”
Obama replied, “I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand….Show me!”
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!
Knucklehead. The father’s answer was: Well son the boy horse hurt his hoof and the girl horse was helping him get back to the barn. The little boy then replied, ” Huh, Just like people right Dad. You try to help somebody out and you end up getting fu#### every time.
A gang-banger and his girlfriend were walking downtown one night when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. “Wow, I’d sure love to have that!” she said.
“No problem, baby,” the gang-banger said, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.
A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a black leather jacket in another shop window. “What I’d give to own that!” she said.
“Sure thing,” the gang-banger said, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.
Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. “Boy, I’d do anything for one of those!” she said to her boyfriend.
“Damn, baby!” the gangster cried. “Do you think I’m made of bricks or something!”
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered the grave news:
“There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a Widow! Your old man will die a violent and horrible death this year!”
Visibly shaken, the biker babe stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing.
She simply had to know.
She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked,
“Will I be acquitted?”
-nicker-
A nod to Darwin’s:
Saw a “fish” symbol on the back of someones pick-up-truck.
Inside the “fish” were the letters….. N’ Chips