Joke Of The Week

cyril-huze-joke44 - CopyThe Jewish Samurai.

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised to recruit a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai. “Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!” – “What a feat!” said the Emperor.

“Number Two Samurai, show me what you do.” The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. “That is skill!” nodded the Emperor. “How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”

The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!!! In disappointment, the Emperor said: – “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.” “Dead?,” replied the Jewish Samurai, Dead is easy.  But…, Circumcision…?”

Zipper's

6 Responses to “Joke Of The Week”


  1. 1 USAYGO Jun 26th, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Talking Dog

    A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

    ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘

    He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

    ‘You talk?’ he asks.

    ‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

    The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

    ‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around
    really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

    I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

    ‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

    ‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says..

    ‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

    ‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.’

  2. 2 USAYGO Jun 26th, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    HILLBILLY DAYVORCE…………

    A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.

    The lawyer said, ‘How can I help you?’

    The farmer said, ‘I want to get one of them dayvorces.’

    The lawyer said, ‘Do you have any grounds?’

    The farmer said, ‘Yes, I got 40 acres’

    The lawyer said, ‘No, No, you don’t understand, Do you have a suit?

    The farmer said, ‘Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.’
    The lawyer said, ‘No, no, I mean, do you have a case?’ The farmer said, ‘No, I ain’t got a Case, but I got a John Deere.
    The lawyer said, ‘No, I mean, do you have a grudge?’

    The farmer said,’Yes, I got a grudge, that’s where I parks the John Deere’
    The lawyer said, ‘Does your wife beat you up or something?’

    The farmer said, ‘No, we both get up at 4:30.’
    By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question.

    The lawyer said, ‘Is your wife a nagger?’
    The farmer said, ‘No, she’s a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that’s why I wants a dayvorce.’

  3. 3 USAYGO Jun 26th, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    Olive Oil, where you at ????

  4. 4 Jeff Nicklus Jun 27th, 2015 at 10:33 am

    The older we get the wiser we become.

    We’ve disconnected our home alarm system and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch Team.

    Bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center.

    Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

    I’ve never felt safer and we’re saving $49.95 a month.

    Over & Out,

    Jeff

  5. 5 Axel Jun 27th, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    An oldie but a goodie. I prefer the punchline I’ve always heard; He lives, but he will no longer reproduce!

  6. 6 Jim Jun 29th, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    Jeff, you are wise beyond your years my friend!!! 😉

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